


Loki and the Two Avenging Reindeer

by LokasennaHiddleston



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Animal Transformation, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Courtship, Crack, Fix-it the Loki way, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Loki Does What He Wants, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Post-Thor: The Dark World, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:36:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5445188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokasennaHiddleston/pseuds/LokasennaHiddleston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bored after his stint as a king in Asgard, Loki decides it's time for some mischief on Midgard. If nothing else, the Midgardians are interesting. But he is quite tired of being called names by the Man of Iron--and so he casts a shapeshifting hex on Tony Stark.<br/>At the last moment, Thor gets in the way and is also affected by the spell. And now the Avengers are stuck with not one, but two Avenging reindeer.<br/>It would be minor mischief--except it turns out that, contrary to popular belief, regular-shaped Tony Stark and Thor both have brain to mouth filters, which are completely turned off when they're animals. And they both think Loki is just awesome and lickable and are very interested in tapping that.<br/>Or, the story where Loki does what he wants (as usual), Tony is a worthy mate (as expected), Thor is jealous of both Loki and Tony, Thor and Tony cross horns, Bruce is a good bro and Steve is traumatized. Also, Frigga is a posthumous matchmaker. Because that's how she rolls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sign my Boob

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote a thing. A thing has been written. The purpose of this thing is threefold. First, it's my way to celebrate Christmas and give all of you thinks for your massive awesomeness. You guys have have been incredible about my other stories, so consider this a Christmas gift.  
> Second, this ship needs more love. And I actually do like Thor as a character, he has a dorky charm, but somehow, he just sort of always ended up as a villain/villainous in my stories so far. This is largely because canon holds a lot of problem in the Thor-Loki relationship, but sometimes, I can't help but what to fix those two. I've had more than one idea of Thunderfrostirons, but somehow, other stories got in the way, or I got sidetracked, or whatever.  
> Three, this is also a fix it for Age of Ultron - crackish in the extreme, but still a fix it. (I'm still in denial over JARVIS). This is also the closest I've come to writing anything remotely canon-compliant, so enjoy it while it last.  
> And finally, don't worry, I have no intention of abandoning A Friend for a Week, so be at ease on that front.

"Brother! How could you do this?"

Loki lounged against the letter Y of the massive sign he was currently using as an observation post. Thor waved Mjolnir threateningly, all the while fixing Loki with those ridiculously blue eyes. If pressed, Loki would have had to admit that Thor's eyes were likely a more dangerous weapon than his hammer. Thankfully, Loki had developed something of an immunity to them, so he could just scoff at his brother. "How could I do what? You must be more specific, I'm afraid."

"How could you make me believe you were dead? I grieved for you, Loki. You broke my heart."

"Touching, Thunderer, but doubtful." Loki couldn't help but bristle. "Tell me, who exactly did you grieve for? The brother you threatened to kill in the dungeons? Or perhaps the one whose funeral you ignored?"

Yes, he was still a little sore about that. He had still been recovering from Kurse's stab wound, so it had probably been a good thing that Thor had not remained in Asgard. If he had, he might have seen through Loki's illusion. That didn't mean it didn't hurt that Thor hadn't even bothered to stay for Loki's supposed funeral, and had instead run off to be with his Midgardian wench.

Thor winced. "I could not bear it," he whispered. "I could not bear to see you burn. I thought that... If I didn't see it, I could pretend you still lived."

Loki clenched his jaw. "So you would deny me Valhalla on top of everything else?"

"That is not what I said," Thor shouted. "Do not put words in my mouth!"

Before Loki could reply, some commotion from the street below interrupted their conversation. Some of the Midgardians had stopped to take photos of the hovering Thor. Weirdly enough, several of them were dressed in red and had these most peculiar fake beards. The disguises were so ridiculous even Thor could have seen through them.

"I love you, Thor," a woman screamed from below. She was wearing a little hat with something akin to horns on them.

One of the shops opened and a horde of mortals rushed out. There were many females, Loki noted, some of them dressed in scanty and revealing versions of the bearded costumes.

"Thor! I want your autograph! Sign my boob!" one of the women said. She was already undoing the buttons of her jacket, presumably to give Thor a spot to sign.

At a different time, Loki would have been jealous as his brother's popularity, but now, it was just amusing. "Your Midgardians are strange, Thor," he commented.

Thor's brow twitched. "Yule approaches. They celebrate it in their own way."

Ah, yes, Loki had almost forgotten. A snowflake danced in front of his eyes, as if to remind him. He waved his fingers, turning the light dusting of falling snow into a minor blizzard and directing it at the mortals. It was minor mischief, but the women screeched as the chill air hit their skin.

Thor glowered at him, and dark clouds covered the sky. "Loki, cease this. Come back to me, brother."

Loki felt a pang of yearning, but he stomped it down. After-effects of Kurse's attack, nothing more. He had nowhere to go back to. When the All-Father had awoken from the Odinsleep, he'd made that very clear. He had banished Loki from Asgard for all eternity, effectively washing his hands off him. He would have probably done more, but Loki had kept Asgard safe while the foolish old man slept off his grief and Thor was out gallivanting with his mortal shield-brothers. He had started rebuilding Asgard and preparing for Thanos's unavoidable attack. It wouldn't have been appreciated, but he'd also made sure to give himself a posthumous pardon and the All-Father could not revoke it without drawing more attention to his madness, Thor's treason and the fact that Loki made a good king.

And besides, Loki had no intention of returning to the dungeons, since this time around, he hadn't been fresh off a Bifrost fall or a torture session.

He supposed he could have just continued staying out of sight, but... Well, there was only so long Loki could keep his head down before that got too boring. And Norns help him, the throne had been so mind-numbingly boring. At least the Midgardians provided some minor excitement.

Before Loki could explain this simple matter to his oaf of a sibling, a distant sound alerted him to the imminent arrival of the rest of the Avengers. Loki stayed on the sign, not bothering to move. He could teleport away at any time, after all.

The first one to arrive was, unsurprisingly, the Man of Iron. This time, he was accompanied by a minor fleet, numerous suits similar to his own. "Give it up, Reindeer Games."

Loki liked the mortal Stark. He was brave and had stood up to Loki even under circumstances far out of his control. He had hand-delivered the weapon to Thanos, wrapping up Loki's vengeance on the Chitauri quite nicely, or at least contributing to it. He was intelligent and chaotic, and in a different world, they could have likely been friends.

But this was not a different world, and for Stark, Loki would only ever be an enemy. Loki did feel partially guilty for Stark being forced to face the void, though, so he let the name-calling go this time around.

"You and your mortals are starting to sound alike, Thor," he said. "What exactly should I give up, Man of Iron? Tell me, what am I doing?"

He had, in fact, simply settled in to observe the chaos of mortality. The humans hadn't even noticed him at first, although the wards Midgardians used to safeguard their people must have alerted the Avengers to his presence, much like during that first confrontation in Germany.

The Man of Iron huffed. "Well, you did just cause a massive weather anomaly and directed it at those lovely ladies down there."

Said lovely ladies had recovered just fine from Loki's prank and were currently directing their attention to the Man of Iron. Their shouts once again reached Loki's ears. "Tony! I love you, Tony! Tony, I want to have your baby!"

Loki cackled. It did strike him as ironic—hah, ironic—that he should be the one blamed for a weather anomaly, when Thor's entire existence could be summed up like that, but there was no point in focusing on that bit. "They seem fine to me. Indeed, Man of Iron, they are more interested in your presence than mine." He softened his voice and put up his best seductive look. "Oh, Tony..." he breathed out. "Tony, I want you..."

The armor jerked lightly. Thor made an alarming noise and went an interesting shade of red. "Brother..."

"What, Thor?" Loki gave his brother a teary eyed look. "Why must you treat me this way? Did you not miss me at all?"

It was only his demeanor that was a lie—the question was true. Thor faltered. "Of course I did, Loki. I missed you so."

"Okay, stop that right now, Reindeer Games," the Man of Iron said. He sounded a little jerky. "Stop it with whatever... mind-controlling bullshit you have going on."

"But Tony... It's not mind-control," Loki replied. "It's not one of my skills, not without the spear."

He trembled lightly, and that was not for show, because he still had blue-tinged nightmares of his time spent under Thanos's control.

"Reindeer Games..." the Man of Iron gritted out.

Loki sighed, dropping the game. The nickname was beginning to irritate him. "My name is Loki. Do remember it, mortal."

An idea occurred to him. He thought about the hat with the little horns and his lips twisted into a smirk. "Oh, but I like this. Reindeer Games, hmm?"

He hadn't performed shape-shifting hexes in a while, but they were among the first spells he'd learned to cast. They were excellent for pranks, and largely harmless once they wore off.

Loki wiggled his fingers and green bloomed under his fingertips. With a silent laugh, he tossed the spell at the mortal.

At the last moment, Thor barreled into the Man of Iron. Loki watched in awe as his spell enlarged to engulf both men.

The Man of Iron's armor shattered around him, and a dark-brown reindeer started to fall from the sky. A second reindeer, larger and lighter colored, collapsed with him, Mjolnir having already dropped from the non-existent hand.

The fleet of armors instantly shot into action. Two of them caught the reindeer, while the other converged on Loki. It was interesting that they were attacking now and not before, but Loki decided not to question it.

He waved at the armor, knowing that the Man of Iron's technology guaranteed that he'd eventually see it. "It looks like my work here is done. Have a happy Yule!"

With one last cackle, Loki disappeared.

 


	2. Thunder Horns and the Iron Reindeer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter today. This is where it all starts, really. I don't plan on making this as long as the other ones - but God only knows, at this point I've all but given up trying to control my muse.  
> I'm also working on the next chapter of Lokitty. In the meantime, have fun reading!

Tony was a genius. He had proved this countless times in building the reactor, creating JARVIS, the suit, and so on and so forth.

But even Tony's brilliant mind had trouble processing some things, which was why when JARVIS set him on the ground and Tony looked down at what should have been his legs—legs?—he went on error mode.

Hooves. He was looking at hooves. That was... actually a thing.

Tony closed his eyes and opened him again. He tried to move his hands. He ended up sort of... trotting in place. Right. Hands. Legs. Four legs. Hooves. Fucking hell!

Tony reeled back, staring around himself, desperately seeking some sort of reassurance. It didn't work. Everything was different. No, everything looked different. Hooves meant equine... Ergo, his eyes were different too. His field of vision had changed entirely, but the colors were off too. It reminded him a little of when he used the UV filter in the suit, so that much was at least, familiar.

Hooves. Field of vision. Fuck fuckitty fuck. Pepper was going to kill him. They might no longer be dating, but she still worried about him constantly.

Thor's voice snapped him out of his panicked trance. "Man of Iron?" Thor asked softly. "Can you understand me?"

Tony turned with an alarmingly equine snort, only to see a reindeer staring straight at him. If nothing else, the horns were fairly impressive and probably meant to compensate for the absence of Thor's hammer. Or maybe it was about ego. He wondered how his own horns looked. Clearly, he was a reindeer too, so he'd have to check.

In the meantime, Tony gave Thor an unimpressed look. "Of course I can understand you," he replied. Then he stopped, reconsidered, and wondered, "Wait, how the hell can I speak?"

"It is Loki's spell," Thor replied miserably. "He once explained that it is more fun if the victim of the enchantment is able to talk."

"Great. That's just great."

Other people were gathering around them now—and really, New Yorkers had no self-preservation. Tony's Iron Legion was mostly keeping them back, but they couldn't have missed the fact that Iron Man had somehow managed to become Iron Reindeer.

"Sir, we have to get back to the Tower at once," JARVIS said. His voice was steady and calm, and it anchored Tony.

"Yeah, Jay, looks like it. Home it is."

Fortunately, the Iron Legion was not forced to carry two massive reindeer over New York, because the Quinjet finally showed up. The rest of the Avengers—sans Bruce—emerged from the plane. They must have seen at least some of what had happened, because Cap's face was already blank and his jaw was set in that patriotic jut that made Tony's teeth ache just when he looked at him.

Cap slowly knelt in front of Tony. "Tony? Thor?"

Tony couldn't help it. How many times did one have the chance to prank Captain America? He snorted slightly and nudged Cap with his nose, widening his eyes at him.

He must have managed the deer-in-the-headlights look well enough, because Cap looked like he was about to cry. Natasha approached as well and cursed in Russian. Clint's hold on his bow was very tight. Right. Loki. This wasn't funny. Oops.

"I'm fine, Cap," he said quickly. "Well, mostly fine. Loki just turned me into a reindeer."

Natasha slapped him on the flank for good measure. "Jesus, Stark. For a minute there, you had us thinking you were an actual reindeer."

Tony felt a little proud that he'd managed to fool her, the great Black Widow. God, he had problems. His priorities were completely out of whack.

"Yes, they are," Natasha said. "And don't be too proud. I've got my eye on you."

Wait, had he said that out loud?

"Yes, you did," Clint drawled.

"As I remember it," Thor offered, "the spell has a side effect. Animals are less likely to censor themselves, so victims of the spell are liable to just blurt out what they're thinking or feeling at any given time."

"Oh great. That's just awesome. Damn it, Rock of Ages."

He was not calling Loki Reindeer Games again. Wait... Was Loki liable to turn him into a rock? Maybe it would be a good idea to give up the nicknames, at least for now.

"That would probably be wise," Thor said. And then things really got weird—well, weirder. He released a small sigh that Tony could have sworn sounded dreamy. "Loki has always been incredibly thorough with his spells. My brother is quite amazing, is he not?"

"Yeah, he is," Tony heard himself say. "I mean his mojo... It's completely out there. I want to take him apart so badly. Preferably slowly. On a flat surface. With a lot of champagne and chocolate involved."

Everybody froze—even Tony himself. God, and he'd worked so hard to bury those particular fantasies. Stupid reindeer transformation.

"Umm... Tony... Should we be worried about mind control here?" Cap asked softly.

Thor's stance shifted, and he pointed those massive horns at Tony. "Tis not mind control. My brother spoke truth when he said he did not have such powers without the spear. It is the Man of Iron. He has... designs toward Loki. Well, you can't have him. Loki is mine."

Tony bristled. "Back off, Thunder Horns. I didn't see your name anywhere on his body." Although to be fair, he hadn't gotten to see Loki naked, which was a fucking pity if he did say so himself.

Despite being a reindeer, Thor somehow managed to snarl. He lunged at Tony. Tony's body moved without him really being aware of it. He locked horns with Thor, pushing back.

Intellectually, he knew that he shouldn't have had a chance in hell to stand up to Thor. It was kind of like playing scanderberg with Point Break, without the suit to back him up. And yet, his hand—or in this case, his horns—didn't shatter. In fact, his chest—where the reactor had once been—started to glow blue, and he shoved Thor back.

Tony was torn between "holy shit, what the fuck?" and "yay, I rock". He went with the second reaction, because he could freak the fuck out later. Besides, it was a heady thing, being able to stand up to a god. And he'd show Thor that he had no claim to Loki, and Tony could do whatever the hell he wanted with their magical nemesis. All he had to do was prove he was a worthy mate.

JARVIS got between them before the fight could escalate. "Sir, I really must protest," he said through one of the Legion armors. "This is getting out of hand. Perhaps we should relocate to the Tower and deal with the matter there."

Tony's head cleared at JARVIS's familiar baritone. "Right. You're right, Jay. We should go."

Thor and Tony were herded into the Quinjet—and really, Tony should have used a different word, even mentally, because he wanted no part of anything to do with a herd, thank you very much. They were kept away from one another, of course. Cap took position next to Tony, and Tasha went to Thor. Clint started the jet, and Tony absently wished he hadn't made the engines so silent. Their noise might have covered the awkwardness in the Quinjet.

Cap fixed him with those big disappointed eyes. "Oh, Tony... Can you really blame us?"

Tony huffed. Apparently, he was still doing the thinking out loud thing. Might as well take some control back. "Look, Cap, I can't help it, okay? He's just that hot. And yeah, give me some credit, I know it won't ever go anywhere, and I know he's a villain and all that. I'm not going to stop being an Avenger just because I'm fascinated with the bad guy. But... He's different."

He wasn't like Obie or Vanko or Killian, or any of the villains they had fought. Something about Loki struck a chord inside Tony. The others might have been angry when Loki had shown up on Earth again, but Tony had secretly been relieved. Hearing about Loki's death in the whole London debacle—and Jesus, elves, again, what the fuck?—had affected him more than he'd have like to admit.

"Oh dear God." Tasha groaned. "He's got feelings."

"I have often noted that the Man of Iron is quite similar to my brother in some ways," Thor said. "I admit that it is part of why I have sought his company. I suppose I should not be surprised at this development."

Tony had a proverbial light bulb moment. He'd noticed that since Loki's supposed death, Thor hung around Tony more and stayed less and less with Jane, but he hadn't known why. He'd thought it was because he was the only one out of those on Earthgard who showed a form of regret for Loki's demise. Apparently not.

"Well, isn't this a day full of surprises?" Clint mumbled. "I need a fucking holiday."

"What we need is to break this damn spell," Tasha said. "Thor? Care to share with us? How do we get rid of it?"

"The enchantment has a limited lifespan. It will break on its own, but I cannot say how long it will take. Once, Loki cursed my friend Fandral to be a cat for five Midgardian years."

Tony blanched. "Okay, that could be a problem." He couldn't stay a reindeer for years on end. Pepper might still be CEO, but that didn't mean he wasn't needed at Stark Industries. Not to mention that while being an avenging reindeer sounding interesting in theory, in practice, it was unlikely.

But Thor wasn't done yet. "He used the same spell on a particularly nasty dwarf, and it still lingers on. He cast it a hundred years ago."

Yeah, okay, that was definitely a problem, especially for Tony who was, you know, a mortal. He couldn't be a reindeer for the rest of his life.

"I don't know..." Thor said. "I think you look quite fetching. The horns are quite majestic."

Cap face-palmed. "Please stop. I have perfect memory. I can't unhear any of this."

"No, Cap, come on, this is gold." Tony preened a little. He'd had no idea Thor had any interest in other men, but it was kind of flattering to find out an actual Norse god found him fetching. Even if he was a reindeer now.

"I have an idea, Man of Iron," Thor suddenly said. "We must summon Loki. We will ask him who is the worthy mate."

Tony couldn't argue with Thor's suggestion. He also couldn't argue with the fact that Loki was likely more fetching than Tony would ever be. Loki would probably make a lovely reindeer...

"Oh God..." Cap groaned. Apparently, Tony had said that out loud too.

Thor ignored him. "You are correct, Friend Stark. I have seen my brother as a mare, and he was quite beautiful."

Tony suspected that if this conversation continued, they would manage what seventy years in the ice hadn't—breaking Captain America. And that wasn't even taking into account Clint and Natasha.

But at the same time, having Loki as a mate was too appealing a thought to refuse. "You've got a deal, Point Break. But how do we even get him to come?"

And heh. Come.

"Knowing him, he can't be very far. There's no fun in making mischief if he's not around to watch it."

"Well, brother, at least you've learned something," a sudden voice said right behind Tony.

Tasha's gun was in her hands almost immediately. Clint cursed and fumbled with the auto-pilot. Cap grabbed his shield, already in battle mode.

But Loki didn't seem to have any baleful intentions. Mostly, he looked as horrified as Cap. "You do know I didn't actually fuck a horse, don't you, Thor?"

Thor did a sort of throat-clearing thing that seemed quite weird because of his shape. "Yes, of course. My apologies, brother. This form has peculiar trains of thought."

"Yes, I see that." Loki tilted his head. "I did not expect this development, though."

Loki took one step forward. Tasha, Cap and Clint twitched, but didn't move. Green light enveloped them, holding them at bay.

Loki's fingers trailed over Tony's head. "So, you are interested in me as a mate, Man of Iron? What of your lady? The one named after a condiment."

"We broke up," Tony confessed. "It was too difficult for her to date Iron Man, and I couldn't make her happy."

He had tried so hard after Killian, but at the end, he'd been unable to abandon his friends. When SHIELD had come down, he'd been hit by the thought that if not for his own issues, he could have helped Steve somehow.

Pepper had understood. She'd also moved out almost immediately.

"How strange," Loki mused. "I would have thought Midgardians admired such bravery. What of you, Thor? You have your Lady Jane."

"Jane and I... We are no longer together."

"What? When did that happen?"

Thor suddenly seemed smaller. "I... I could not make my peace with losing my brother. I sought refuge in her arms. But when she was there... I realized I was doing her a disservice. I wanted her because she was clever and beautiful and witty and awkward, just like you."

Loki's fingers were very still on Tony's head. "I see. Well, I must go now, but I will think on what you said."

And with that, Loki vanished once again. Tony madly scanned the plane, but there was no sign of him.

He couldn't help but make a small sound of disappointment. Ah well. The rest of the Avengers could move again—so that was a plus, he guessed.

Or not... He had never seen Tasha look so pissed. "You've been holding out on us, Thor. You didn't tell us your brother could cast shape-shifting curses or immobilize us at will."

"He didn't tell us many things," Clint offered darkly.

"He also didn't shift the two of you back," Cap pointed out to Thor and Tony.

And yeah, Cap was right. Tony clopped a hoof in frustration. "Damn it, Loki!"

 


	3. Loki Does What He Wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to everyone who kudos-ed, read, subscribed and in any other way showed interest in the story. Cookies for the cuddle bunnies! Now, onto the chapter - and basically what the title says :)

Loki stared blankly at the screen of the computer he'd appropriated. The mortals had an adequate acronym for his current situation. FML.

He'd meant the shape-shifting curse as a minor prank, and it had exploded in his face—like most everything Loki did since the stupid coronation. Now, it turned out that the Man of Iron desired him. Not only that, but Thor—his own brother, the mindless oaf—apparently had similar ideas and designs.

Under different circumstances, Loki would have been angry. He would have thought Thor and his mortal friend were making fun of him, or perhaps intending to humiliate him. But given their current shape, it was impossible. Stark in particular had a lot to lose by these revelations.

Thus, it could only be true. So what did Loki do with that?

According to the mortals' omnipresent encyclopedia, being ergi was not such a big issue on Midgard. It wasn't openly accepted, but neither was it reviled, at least not in Tony Stark's city. Other lands were different.

But that was beside the point. What did Loki want?

It wasn't that he had never considered his brother from a romantic perspective. He'd long ago made his peace with the fact that he was attracted to Thor, although as far as he knew, Thor was still not aware of that night on Alfheim when Loki had shifted into a woman and...

Right... Moving on.

So, attraction to Thor was not the problem. And the Man of Iron had his own, different appeal. He was handsome, clever and mischievous and Loki had been secretly wondering if his hands would be rough, like those of a blacksmith. But even if Loki had to make a choice, like they had asked, where did that leave them? Loki was still a fugitive, an outcast from Asgard. He had no real future.

Hmm. Maybe he could use this. He had no idea if Thor even knew about Thanos. Loki had told Odin, but Odin had disregarded the Mad Titan's schemes as one of Loki's lies.

Yes, this could work. He couldn't say he had expected this development, but let it not be said that Loki ever shied away from something that could give him an advantage.

Loki got up and closed the browser. The woman at the counter of the library smiled widely at him. "Do you need anything else?"

Loki offered her a blinding smile. He knew for a fact that she would not have reacted this way if she'd recognized him, but his current guise, while very similar to his actual Asgardian form, seemed to have an effect on mortal women that was quite similar to Thor's. "No, thank you, Lady. You've been most kind."

He kissed her hand—it always paid to be polite—and left the building. It was easy to find a secluded alley where no one would see him. He smoothed his hair back down and summoned his leathers—ah, much better. Finally, he teleported himself to Stark Tower.

The building had been renovated since the Chitauri attack. However, the lone A still remained, the other letters having been discarded permanently. The mortals were now calling it Avengers Tower.

Loki let his invisibility spell drop. Time to test out a theory.

Instantly, the voice of Stark's disembodied servant reacted. "Welcome, Mr. Liesmith. Please come in. Sir is waiting."

The door opened and Loki obediently stepped inside. The penthouse was empty, but Loki wasn't really surprised. He would have noticed the presence of any of his supposed suitors or of the other Avengers.

"Where is your master, Voice?" he asked nonetheless.

"Sir will be right with you," the voice said. "He was in the lab with Dr. Banner."

Ah, the green beast. Delightful.

Loki plopped down on Stark's couch. "And Thor?"

"Also with Sir. He has been attempting to... do some damage control."

Loki couldn't help it. He laughed. Thor? Doing damage control? Oh, that was rich.

The elevator door opened, and Thor and the Man—or Reindeer—of Iron came trotting out. The green beast followed after them. Idly, Loki thought that it was remarkable that they'd all fit in the moving box.

"Brother!" Thor called. "Have you given any thought to our suggestion?"

"I have," Loki agreed. "Do you stand to it? I imagine you've already received some backlash."

"Oh, yeah, there was plenty of that," Stark replied. "Clint's making noises about leaving the Avengers. He still wants to put an arrow through your eye, you know. Tasha's doing the silent assassin thing. I half-expect she's going to strangle me with her thighs if she catches me off guard. Cap ran way. I really think we broke him. And since SHIELD is gone..."

"What about you, Dr. Banner?" Loki asked.

The green beast removed his glasses and rubbed them lightly. "To be honest, I almost Hulked out at first. But... This is Tony. He's my friend. I have his back."

Loki was surprised, but decided this was definitely a good thing. The green beast was the biggest threat to Loki out of the Avengers team, and with it out of the way, Loki could go through with his plan.

Which was... What exactly? He had to admit he wasn't sure.

Loki hummed thoughtfully, musing over his current situation. "So you remain set on your idea?"

Stark straightened himself, preening slightly as he held his head up high and presented his horns. The blue circle on his chest glowed slightly. Interesting. "Of course. We're all set here. No take backs."

"I see." No take backs. Stark had a point. And even if Loki didn't trust his brother or the Man of Iron, he had to admit there was so much potential for mischief here. He couldn't resist. "Very well then. But there's just one problem. I find that I simply cannot choose between the two of you."

"But brother," Thor cried, "surely you must see I am the stronger mate. I am Thor, the God of Thunder! There is no one mightier than I."

Stark huffed. "Who the hell cares, Point Break? You're all for brains over brawn, right, Reindeer... of my Heart?"

Loki smothered a smile at Stark's attempt to fix his name-calling. "We shall see. But if you are truly serious about this, you must prove it. You must prove that your affections toward me are not a whim."

"A contest!" Thor boomed, clopping his hoof against the floor so hard a tile cracked. "Of course, brother! I shall prove my worth to you as a mate."

"I'm up for it," Stark predictably offered. "But... Why do I get the feeling there's something you're not saying? What's the catch?"

Loki decided to reward Stark's cleverness and pet his head slightly. Thor glared in clear anger, but Loki just arched a brow. "You are correct, Man of Iron. There is in fact a catch. In your regular forms, you and Thor are too different. Thus, you will compete using these shapes, until such a time that I decide they are no longer of any use."

The green beast made a noise that sounded alarmingly like a squeak. Loki looked at him, and saw Banner visibly trying to contain his laughter. "Sorry. No, please go on. I'm fine. Totally fine."

Thor gave Loki another pleading look—just as striking in his form as in his regular one. "But brother, how are we to prove our worth to you then? I cannot use Mjolnir like this."

Loki waved a hand. "Don't be daft, Thor. The might is your own, is it not? I do not wish to mate a hammer, for Norns' sake. Besides, Mjolnir was only ever a crutch, because you refused to learn how to properly wield your seidr without it."

Thor bristled, perhaps wanting to point out that he wasn't a seidr user like Loki, but Stark spoke before Thor could do so. "That makes sense," Stark said. "I mean, otherwise it would kind of lame, right? Since the power wouldn't really be Thor's, but the hammer's."

"Indeed." Loki grinned. So far, Stark was proving to be the better option by far. "And at any rate, it is only fair, since the Man of Iron will not have his armor either."

Judging by the speculative look in Stark's eye, the Man of Iron—and Loki would stick to calling him that because thinking of him as a reindeer was too weird even for Loki—was already busy creating strategies of how to woo Loki. How charming.

"So, I'm guessing you have tests in mind for us, Reindeer of my Heart?"

"Quite right." Loki smiled. "The first test is not difficult. You will have to come up with a wooing present for me. You have three days to accomplish this task. On the fourth day, I will return and decide the victor of this stage in the contest."

"I do have a question, though," Stark piped up. "The blue circle thing... How does it work? Brucey did a scan of me, but we can't quite figure it out, and I had the reactor removed before you came back, you know."

"Ah yes." The Man of Iron's mechanical heart. It was a pity that he had removed it. The resilience to mind control could have come in handy in the future. "Well, Man of Iron, even if you did discard the device, its energies did leave a lasting effect on your body which my seidr has drawn out. You need not fret. It is not damaging. I would not let any harm come to you."

He didn't mean to say that last part, even if it was true, and he was grateful when the elevator pinged once again, thus creating a distraction. This time, it was the soldier who stepped into the penthouse. "Loki, what are you doing? Remove the enchantment on Thor and Tony at once."

Loki pretended to think about it. "Well, I could, but..." He turned his attention toward the two reindeer and softened his voice. "What do you think, Thor, Anthony?" Yes, Anthony, he liked that, much better than Tony. "Should I turn you back? Keep in mind that doing so would mean you would forfeit the competition."

"No!" Thor and Anthony said at the same time.

"We shall stay like this, brother, and comply with your terms," Thor offered.

Anthony nodded. "After all, who needs opposable thumbs, right?" He pointed at the captain with a hoof. "Totally fine here, Cap. No worries."

The poor soldier looked completely dumbfounded. Loki wanted to give Thor and Anthony a reward already, but he refrained. Instead, he focused on the man out of time. "I'm actually pleased to see you here, Captain Rogers. We will require your assistance."

"My... assistance?" The good captain looked at his two reindeer teammates and seemed on the verge of wanting to flee. And yet, remarkably, he did not. "With what?"

"Well, I have decided Anthony and Thor must have a tournament. Doctor Banner has already volunteered to be Anthony's squire, and thus Thor needs one as well."

"Wait... When did I do that?"

"Wait... Tournament?"

Loki didn't even bother to hide his grin at the panicked questions of the two Avengers. "Yes, a contest for my hand. And Doctor Banner, you did say you'd have Anthony's back, did you not?"

Banner had stopped laughing now that somehow he had been drawn into the mess. "Yes, but... I didn't mean..."

"Don't worry, Brucie!" Anthony lifted a hoof. "We've got this in the bag!"

"I think not." Thor glared at Anthony. "I am the worthy mate for my brother, and I shall prove it. Isn't that right, Captain?"

The captain was beyond words. Loki had seen him fight Chitauri and hold his own against Thor's hammer, but now, he looked lost. If Loki had been a better person, he'd have probably felt bad about it.

But alas, Loki was not a good person, and the chaos was so, so beautiful.

Shaking himself, Loki focused on the matter at hand. "Naturally, since whoever I shall wed will be an Avenger, I will make my own vow—to join you and your forces against future threats, as is suitable of a proper spouse." And wasn't he such a nice little God of Mischief, proving how serious he was about this by staking his allegiance to Midgard? Never mind that he actually needed the help of Midgard's heroes to deal with Thanos. They didn't need to know that.

The captain gaped. "You would become an Avenger? Just like that?"

Thor teared up. "Brother... Do you truly mean it? We could fight side by side once more?"

"I would not say it if I did not mean it, Thor," Loki drawled. "Besides, Asgard has cleared me of my main sentence connected to the Chitauri attack, so I am, in fact, not a criminal—but I am still an exile, and I require a place of residence." He lowered his voice into a purr. "I would have it with one of you."

"Holy shit, we should have done this sooner," Anthony whispered. "You've got a deal, Reindeer of my Heart."

Loki decided he'd pushed his luck long enough and nodded. "I'm happy to hear that." And weirdly enough, he was. "At any rate, I wish you all good luck, and I will see you in three days."

Just because he could, he wiggled his fingers in Anthony and Thor's direction. Green ribbons manifested on their horns. Satisfied with his handiwork, Loki teleported out of the tower and back to his apartment—where he promptly collapsed on the floor and laughed harder than he had in years.

Oh, yes, this situation had a lot of potential. It seemed impossible, but apparently, his luck had finally turned. And Loki knew better than to rely on it, but he would also embrace this chance—if only because... Well, he had to face it. Thor and Anthony Stark were the two most coveted bachelors of their home realms for a reason. And Loki was not above admitting that he wanted to lick them both all over.

If Loki got both his alliance and some very nice fun between the sheets out of his little trick... Well, he couldn't say he minded.

 


	4. The Two Suitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized this is likely the first time I write Thor's POV in a 'heroic' way (outside Crimson Tears which is different for obvious reasons). I hope you like it. There's some serious stuff too - somehow, I always get into that, but for the most part, it's still "what the hell is going on here ROFL".  
> Also, since we're getting close to Christmas and this is supposed to be your birthday present, I'll also be updating A Friend for a Week today. Don't you love me?

The Avengers met up the morning after the incident, in the kitchens. Thor suspected it was coincidental on Friend Stark's side—he was already in the room when the rest of them came in. He had a device strapped to his back and a small metallic creature was trailing him. "This is ridiculous," he mumbled around a mouthful of oats. "Grain shouldn't be this good."

"It is what your current body demands, Sir," JARVIS replied, "and it would be wise to offer it what it needs."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

The Captain cleared his throat, interrupting the exchange between Stark and his disembodied steward. "We're all here because of recent events regarding Loki. Since yesterday, there have been protests regarding where we're headed with this team, so I decided that a vote needed to be cast on the Loki situation."

"That is fair, Captain," Thor boomed. Of course, he had no intention of abandoning his brother, not now, not when he knew he actually had a chance. If his Midgardian shield-brothers could not accept Loki, Thor would have to make a choice. And well... Thor had chosen everyone else except Loki many times before. No longer.

"Okay, captain, my captain," Tony said. "Call it. Thunder Horns and me are obviously for bringing the Reindeer of my Heart on."

To illustrate his point, he lifted a hoof. Thor joined in. Fortunately, he was fairly used to keeping his balance despite his new shape, and he noted that the Man of Iron didn't fall over either.

"I'm with them," Doctor Banner offered with a small, shy smile.

This was not surprising. Again, it was not surprising when the Eye of Hawk and the Lady Widow voted against. "He's got an angle," the Widow insisted, "and he's found your weakness. We can't let him in. You're going to regret it."

"An angle, huh?" Friend Stark drawled, lifting his horns in a barely perceivable threat. "Kind of like a certain spy I know."

"Hey!" Clinton started to protest. "Nat's nothing like that murdering psychotic—"

"Mind your words, Friend Barton," Thor said. Outside, thunder rumbled. "Else you regret them."

Doctor Banner cleared his throat. "Anyway, it's three vs. two. Cap, what's your call?"

The Captain took a deep breath, as if bracing himself for something. Then, he said, "We need him as an Avenger. I'm for it, and on my side, I'll do my best to fulfill my part."

"You have got to be kidding me!" The archer cursed. "The guy's a menace. He destroyed Manhattan."

"He's an asset we cannot afford to lose." The Captain looked pale, but determined.

"Steve..." The Lady Widow let out a hissed breath. "I know what you're thinking, but this isn't anything like Bucky."

A long, awkward pause followed. Ah yes, the Captain's lost shield-brother. They all knew about him. His existence, and the fact that he had apparently been involved in the deaths of Friend Stark's parents, had put strain on the Avengers as a group.

Anthony was obviously listening, although he was now trying to pretend otherwise. He bent over the Midgardian device which he was trying to make work despite his hooves, but his stance was visibly tense. Thor had to admit that he respected Friend Stark for his choice to offer support to the Captain regardless of his own history with the Captain's shield-brother. He could also empathize with the Captain's situation, being in the best position to do so. He had also thought his brother dead, having seen him fall from the Rainbow Bridge. And then, Loki had reemerged on Midgard, angry and mad, and Thor had never gotten the chance to look into it more closely.

He should have, he realized now. Perhaps there had been more going on than he'd grasped at the time. But he had trusted their father's judgment... And now, he wondered if that had maybe been a mistake.

The Captain faced the Lady Widow, his jaw set angrily. "It's not _that_ different. It's only fair that we give him a chance."

"The Captain is correct," Thor said. "The situation is not dissimilar." In fact, the similarities were almost startling. Thor never had found out what had happened after Loki's fall...

"Look, guys," Friend Stark piped up, finally glancing up from his device. "Let's be serious here. Thor and Loki are like... older than dirt. The history they have... Centuries of brotherhood. But even assuming we disregard that for some reason, I always thought there were things that didn't quite add up in the invasion. And I assure you that as soon as I get the chance, I'm gonna ask, but for now, I'm doing this, whether you like it or not."

The circle in his chest was glowing again. It reminded Thor of the thunder. He shook himself and added, "Additionally, consider this. The vow Loki has made is binding. Whether or not he has an... angle, his intentions are not nefarious. He cannot betray us."

He wanted to say something more, but he was busy eying the Man of Iron. Anthony had already lost interest in the argument. Once more, the device became his full focus. He seemed so determined, and Thor could not forget that, for all accounts, the Man of Iron was his rival. Was he already making progress on his gift to Loki? That wasn't good.

"Isn't he notorious for being the God of Lies?" the Lady Widow asked.

"Oh, that is in part precisely because he avoids such vows at all costs," Thor replied absently.

As he watched, Anthony let out a victorious cheer. "A-ha! That design might work, JARVIS. Run the simulation and show me the results."

Thor tried, but failed to suppress his dismay. He was usually terrible at hiding his emotions—his brother had always made fun of him for it—but this form made it even more glaring. Thunder crackled once again as he realized that, for all that Loki had claimed this contest was equal, he was at a significant disadvantage, at least here, on Midgard.

He was in a foreign realm, and Anthony Stark, despite his shape, remained as clever as ever. He had his wealth and his intelligence. What did Thor have? Nothing.

But no, he could not think this way. He could not give up. This was his chance to win everything he'd ever wanted. For so long, he had hidden his desire for Loki, but now that it was out, he didn't think he would be able to hide it any longer. And if Stark won... Would Thor be able to back out nobly and grant his shield-brother Loki's hand? Would he be able to watch Stark take Loki to bed every night? It was doubtful.

"Uh, Thor? You feeling okay?"

Thor blinked back into awareness, only to see the Captain was giving him a concerned look. For good reason too. It seemed that at some point in the last ten seconds, while Thor had been imagining his shield-brother bedding his _actual_ brother, he'd managed to wreck half the kitchen. Several counters were overturned. Appliances sizzled in protest, their innards exposed. Clint and the Lady Widow had taken refuge behind a collapsed table. The Captain was standing in front of the Man of Iron, protecting them both with his shield.

As for Anthony himself, he was still focused on his work. "Yes, good, that's good, JARVIS. Try the other size. How about... four pieces? Yes, that works." He munched on more oats. "And get me more of this stuff, it's fucking good."

"Should I also call the contractors for the kitchen?" Anthony's disembodied steward asked smoothly.

Anthony looked up from his device. "Holy shit, what did you guys do?"

"Not me," the Eye of Hawk piped up. "It was Thor. I'm guessing he's suddenly wishing those marble tiles were your head."

Tony huffed and gave Thor a distinctly unimpressed look. "I'd say bring it on, Big Thunder, but sadly, I don't have the time to play with you. Jay, do... whatever with the kitchen. Let's take this somewhere more comfortable."

Tony left, the device dangling from his neck and his robot trailing behind him, holding a container of oats. He'd adapted to the whole thing strangely quickly. Thor had grown up with Loki, and his brother had done far stranger things during their lifetimes, so Thor was not taken aback by being in this shape, but he had expected his mortal shield-brother to be. The Man Of Iron had merely taken it in stride and was working around it, like he did every single time. Like _Loki_ always did.

And perhaps that was what bothered Thor most—that they were a good match, in every way, both so clever and so brave and so witty, far more than Thor could ever hope to be. And in all honesty, Thor couldn't say who he was most jealous of, Loki or Anthony Stark. He had reached the conclusion that dark-haired geniuses would be the bane of his existence and the constant topic of his nightly fantasies—but now that he knew they would be together and exclude him forever from their lives... No, he couldn't have it.

"Thor, you're doing it again," Barton said hesitantly, snapping Thor back to attention.

"My apologies, Friend Clinton. This has been a taxing situation for me."

The Widow smiled, the expression sharp and unpleasant. "And Stark has been doing so well."

Under different circumstances, Thor might have tried to keep control of his temper, but this form wasn't very conducive to calm. "Indeed," he rumbled. "But I am the Prince of Asgard, and I shall prove that I am a worthy mate for my brother."

Yes, that was it. Stark might have the strength of Midgard behind him, but Thor was not limited to Midgard and he had all of Asgard's wealth and might behind him. He was still prince, and his word was law.

His words were greeted by silence, which Thor took as approval. He had known his friends would see reason. "Come now, Captain. We must away to Asgard! We have preparations to handle."

The Captain was pale and seemed to be trying to back away. "Actually, Thor... Maybe Bruce..."

"Doctor Banner is sworn as Friend Stark's squire, as you are mine," Thor cut the Captain off. "You would not have me lose the competition. You have already said as much."

The Captain's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, Thor, you're right. Okay. Let's go."

As the Captain joined him outside, Thor clopped a hoof. "Heimdall, open the Bifrost!"

"Hey will that even work if he's..."

Clinton's word were cut off by the familiar rush of the Rainbow Bridge. Thor blinked and he was once more in the Golden Realm. Heimdall looked so much taller now, but Thor was not intimidated. "Greetings, Heimdall. This is my shield-brother, the Captain of America, Steven son of Rogers."

"Welcome to Asgard, my prince, Captain. Now, I won't keep you. I believe you have a quest you were on."

"Indeed. Does Father know?"

"I have not informed him yet, no," Heimdall replied. "I believed it prudent to wait for the outcome first before I propel him into the Odinsleep once again."

Heimdall had a point—his father would probably not be thrilled with Thor's decision to wed his own brother. But ah, well, details. Thor didn't have time to worry about that now. Three days was not long at all for a courtship present appropriate for his brother.

Thor trotted drown the Rainbow Bridge. "Come, Captain. We must make haste. We don't have much time at our disposal."

The Captain ran after him. "Is this okay, though... You being like this?"

"Oh, of course." Thor shrugged, insofar as he could in this shape at least. "It is not the first time my brother turns me into a shape different from my own. I was the favored target for his experiments when we were growing up. In truth, this is actually fairly harmless. At least I am a recognizable mammal. And male."

The Captain yelped. "Right, I get the feeling I don't want to ask. So, where do we start, and how can I help with?"

Thor perked up. "I'm glad you asked, Captain. I'm glad you asked."


	5. Courtship Gifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, your actual Christmas gift: double update. And a bit of Loki mischief fun to compensate for the heavy angst in A Friend for a Week  
> I figure since it's Christmas day and all, Loki getting gifts would be appropriate too :D So Merry Christmas to everyone again - hope you're having the best possible holidays! Thank you for your awesomeness and enjoy!

Hooves were a pain in the ass. Tony had decided he hated them within the first hour of his stint as a reindeer.

He was getting more used to them, and he had JARVIS attach straps to his neck so that he wouldn't leave tablets strewn everywhere—not that he hadn't done that before, but he wasn't comfortable doing that now, since he kept cracking the damn things and while JARVIS always saved his progress remotely, the damage he kept doing to the equipment threw a wrench into the project.

He spent quite some time during the first night to mostly accustom himself with his new body. In a way, the way his chest would occasionally glow blue helped, because it was familiar where everything else was not. And Tony was nothing if not determined. Once he was fairly sure he had this moving around like an equine thing under control, he finally dove into this new project. He had already decided that this wasn't something he could just throw money at. Loki was a prince. He wouldn't be impressed by fancy blings or cars or jewelry. And he had made it clear that he wanted to see him and Thor use their natural gifts—in this case, Tony's intelligence. So clearly, Tony had to make something.

He had already decided it would be a weapon. Tony had had JARVIS compile a list of data of everything Thor had ever said about his brother, including the weapons he liked to use. He also scavenged the footage from the battle of New York—and really, just looking at Loki made him want to go to the little reindeer's room for reasons different than the usual, yucky unpleasant ones—but again, fucking hooves. He'd never take fingers for granted again.

Anyway, instead, he focused on maths and measurements and materials. He coordinated with JARVIS and wondered what the hell Thor was doing. Apparently, he'd gone to Asgard at one point, and while Cap had come back to check in with the other Avengers, Thor hadn't.

Tony shook off those thoughts, remembered the green ribbons Loki had left and kept going. Bruce dragged him for a nap about midway through his binge, and Tony made a mental note to do something nice for his science bro. Bruce helped wash his coat and shoved him into bed, and when Tony stumbled awake mere hours later, he had a nice new breakfast of oats for Tony. Yep, Brucey was the best, and Tony loved him, in a completely platonic way, of course.

He was probably doing the thinking out loud thing again, because Bruce smiled softly and said, "Likewise, Tony. So, how's it going? Need any help?"

"Some hands wouldn't hurt," Tony admitted.

Bruce wasn't an engineer, but he was a scientist too, and they worked well together. Between the three of them—Tony, Bruce and JARVIS—Tony managed to finish his present just in time for the three day deadline.

He dashed for another quick shower, twitching when Bruce ran the hair drier through his coat, and then, JARVIS was saying, "Prince Loki has just appeared in the penthouse, Sir."

Tony had Bruce tie the ribbon back around his horns, and then braced himself for the confrontation. "Okay, Jay. Keep your circuits crossed for me."

"Of course, Sir."

They all met up on Tony's floor. Everyone was there, even Barton and Natasha. "What are you guys doing here?" Tony couldn't help but ask.

Natasha just shot him an inscrutable smile, while Clint smirked. "Not missing this for the world, man. If nothing else, I get to see you make a fool of yourself."

Given Tony's current state of anxiety, that hurt a little. "With friends like you, who needs enemies?"

He trotted away quickly, before his reindeer mouth could give away more than he was comfortable with. But as he left Clint and Natasha, he gaped, because he was faced with the unlikeliest sight ever.

He had seen Loki dressed in his fancy armor before, but today, he looked downright regal. Everything shone to perfection, outlining the contours of Loki's gorgeous body. And fucking hell in Loki wasn't the embodiment of a leather fetishist's wet dream.

Tony would have been very tempted to at least try to get some cuddles in, but at one point, Thor had arrived too, and that wasn't good news at all. Thor was still a reindeer, but in everything else, he seemed back to normal. At one point, he'd been fitted in an armor and a cape reminiscent of his previous one. Even his damn fur was braided—which... what the fuck?

Tony was dismayed. He hadn't had enough time to worry about finding things to wear. And he should have, damn it, he was smoother than this. But the damn hooves... And he had barely even gotten the chance to sleep, let alone think about clothes.

Not only that, but Thor seemed to have brought everything but the kitchen sink from Asgard. There were actual chests overflowing with gold and jewelry, gemstones dripping on the floor of the penthouse. There were furs and tapestries and things Tony didn't recognize, and Tony had the dawning revelation that he could have easily ordered flowers and jewelry and sweets, on top of making the weapon. He felt fucking stupid.

Well, too late now. He'd clearly lose this one, but he'd take the loss like a man and learn out of it.

"Looking good, Reindeer of my Heart," he said.

"Anthony." Loki looked at his horns and smiled. "You look well."

Oh, yay. Tony had done something right upon remembering the ribbon. Thank God for that. Thor sulked, trotting impatiently next to Loki.

"Are we ready to begin?" Loki asked.

"Ah, not yet," Thor said. "The captain is traveling with the last of it."

As if on cue, the Bifrost hit, leaving Steve standing on the Iron Man landing platform with... two goats. Loki cleared his throat. "Well, Thor... I realize that you and Anthony have needs even in this shape, but perhaps..."

Tony reared back, somehow managing to almost lose his balance despite having gotten used to the four hooves thing. "Hey, don't look at me. I'm one-hundred percent committed to the courtship. Also, not interested in bestiality, thank you very much."

"Have you looked in a mirror lately, Stark?" Clint piped up with a howl of laughter.

Loki arched a brow at Clint. "Thor and Anthony's state is only temporary and they aren't actual animals. But if you are not convinced, Agent Barton, I could be persuaded to demonstrate the process."

It probably wasn't nice of Loki to threaten using magic on Clint after what had happened during the Chitauri invasion, but Tony still melted a little inside. That was Loki being protective of him. He wished with a pang he'd thought to get better prepared. He'd do better on the second part of the competition.

Clint shut up pretty quickly after that—which left Loki, Thor and Tony free to proceed with the gift giving. Somehow, Steve was saddled with the unfortunate task of watching over the goats.

Thor went first, since he'd already started, what with the goats and all. He bowed lowly, somehow managing to look elegant despite being a reindeer. "My beloved brother and keeper of my heart, I give you this offering as a sign of how much I treasure you."

He waved a hoof, and some of the chests opened, revealing more gold—seriously obscene amounts. Apparently, there was some sort of Asgardian tradition about the betrothed's weight in gold. Tony winced with each unveiled item. He was grateful when Bruce came to stand by his side, supporting him. He didn't want to start thinking stuff out loud again, especially not in front of Loki and Thor.

Finally, after Thor was done spilling all the gold, gems and miscellaneous decorations on Tony's floors, he went on to open another chest. This one contained a pair of beautiful daggers. They were long and elegant, studded with emeralds, done in Loki's colors. Clearly, Tony and Thor had had a similar idea. Loki lifted one dagger gently, balancing it on the tip on his finger. "This is quite exquisite, Thor. Thank you."

And Thor wasn't done yet. He had one last gift—a necklace. The necklace itself seemed at first meant for a woman, but when Loki touched it, it changed, the elaborate jewelry melting together to turn into two armbands.

"Mother made this," Loki whispered.

Thor nodded. "She said I should give it to the person who held my heart, and that it would adapt to the shape that needed. It was always meant for you. I know that now, and I think she Mother did too."

How could Tony possibly compete with that? He knew how much Frigga had meant for both Loki and Thor and apparently the Queen of Asgard was posthumously giving her kids her blessing for a sort of incestuous marriage.

Loki took a deep breath and closed the small box with the necklace turned armbands. "Thank you, Thor. I will treasure it."

He waved a hand, and everything disappeared. Tony gulped. "Guess it's my turn now, huh?"

Bruce brought the box forward—he'd carried it, since it was too bulky and uncomfortable for Tony to do it due to his shape. "I made you something."

Loki opened the box and looked at the spear inside. Tony crowded in closer to demonstrate. "The spear is made of gold but, see, the tips? They're from the same element of my former reactor."

He could tell Natasha wanted to protest. He saw her get up. But Bruce got in the way, blocking her sight of him. And Tony knew that it might seem crazy to hand something like this over to Loki on a whim. Because what if Loki wasn't honest? What if this was all a ruse?

But it had occurred to Tony that Loki was far more powerful than any of them had realized. If he'd really wanted to take over the planet, he could have just turned them all into animals, and that would have been the end of it. So, there was more to it than Tony knew—and Tony was betting his reactor that it had a lot to do with the shitty insects he'd blown up and whatever had happened between the destruction of the Rainbow Bridge which Thor had told them about and Loki's appearance on Earth.

It was a pretty big bet, but Tony's heart told him it would be worth it.

Loki took the spear in his hand, testing it. "Oh my."

So far so good. "Here's where I have a little confession to make. Since the invasion, I sort of asked myself many times how your mojo worked, why it didn't work on me, and so on and so forth. And I kept tinkering with it whenever I had the time." It had kept his brain busy in between suits and distracted him from his PTSD. Okay, moving on. "I reached the conclusion that this element is naturally resistant to magic. And I know it's not ideal, but based on readings I took from the battle and such, I figured that it could serve as a way to direct your mojo. Thor assures me gold is a good medium to channel magic, although I do confess I threw in some titanium in the casing for the reactor core. Now, second part. Jay, demonstrate."

Tony couldn't guide Loki's fingers by himself, but JARVIS's sensors showed Loki where he needed to press. The spear came apart in four pieces—four daggers.

The middle pieces didn't have elements of the reactor incorporated, because that would have interfered with the magic conductivity, but Tony had compromised and given them a diamond edge. Gold was a soft metal, and not the best choice for daggers, but Tony had slaved over the design until he'd been satisfied that the blades could do damage and be put together as a spear worthy of Loki.

It didn't take long for Loki to get accustomed to the system. He flipped the daggers around a bit, looking like poetry in motion. Then, he put them back together into the spear and focused slightly. The tips of the spear glowed green.

Tony half expected Loki to blow something up, but he didn't. Instead, he turned toward Tony, running his fingers over the butt of the spear—which was downright pornographic. "Oh, Anthony, this is a magnificent weapon. It is perfect."

"So it's good?" Tony threw his head back, instinctively displaying his horns. "I can make modifications if anything feels off."

"It's perfect," Loki reiterated. "I have long sought a weapon suited to my fighting style but none have quite fit. And you have made it for me."

Loki leaned in closer, and his fingers rubbed over Tony's horns. "You are very clever indeed, Man of Iron," Loki whispered. "You will make a very worthy mate. And now, it is time for your reward."

Tony blinked and suddenly, he was standing on two feet again, now a man—and completely naked. He stumbled a little, and landed straight into Loki's embrace. Loki's armor was cold against his skin, but Tony couldn't say he really minded. "Reward?" he asked eagerly. "Does this mean I won?"

Loki grinned, a wide smile full of mischief. "Oh, yes."

And then Loki kissed him—and Tony's brain exploded. Loki expertly explored his mouth, and holy hell, there was something to be said about kissing a god notoriously known as the Silver Tongue. Tony was distantly aware that he was probably making some very embarrassing noises and grinding against Loki quite shamelessly, but Loki tasted like fire and ice and magic and sex and everything that was oh so wrong and oh so right, and Tony never wanted it to be over.

And then, Loki broke their kiss, waved a hand, and Tony was a reindeer again. Tony was too dazed to protest his return to his previous state. "I'm ruined for mortals forever," he breathed out. "You're cruel, Reindeer of my Heart, so cruel." Tony would definitely have to find a way to go to the little reindeer's room.

Loki laughed, the bastard. "It would not be proper to go any further. And now, I must depart. As for the next request... A private meeting, between myself and each of my suitors. A setting of your choice."

A date. Excellent! Tony had experience with dates. Granted none of them had been hot alien princes, but Tony would put together the best date ever.

"I will come back in three days. The first one I will meet will be Anthony, since he was the victor." He kissed both Tony and Thor on the forehead, still smiling. "Until then. Good day."

And with that, he was gone.

Ironically, it was Clint who spoke first. "Stark won that one. Wow. Didn't see that coming."

"I didn't think I'd ever see you willingly give the reactor to anyone," Natasha said.

"My tech, Red. I'll share it with whoever I please."

Tony could tell she wanted to protest, tell him that Loki was still technically a villain. She didn't. Instead, she grabbed Clint's elbow and dragged him off.

Bruce and Steve left next, giving Tony and Thor privacy. Tony felt a little awkward now. He couldn't say he regretted winning, God, no, but he could tell that this was important for Thor too, and he still liked the big lug.

Thor broke the silence between them. "That was a fine courtship gift, Friend Stark. Yet again, you humble me."

"To be honest, I thought I was toast when I saw what you brought," Tony admitted. "It's very impressive."

Thor shook his head. "No, I realize my mistake. My gift was from Asgard's treasury, or Asgard's blacksmiths, or Mother—but not from me." Thor huffed. "And your gift was perfectly suited to Loki's needs, even if you have known him far less than I. But I will do better. You are a worthy combatant, Man of Iron, and every day, you teach me much."

"You're not so bad yourself, Thunder Horns. And you're looking pretty spiffy."

Thor winced. "To be perfectly honest, the armor is very uncomfortable in this form, and the braids hurt my fur. But it was considered to be adequate attire for courtship."

"Your dad know it's your brother you're thinking of... courting?"

"I have not seen him when I was in Asgard, but I can't imagine he could have missed it. I was not silent about my quest for Loki's presents. Although I suppose he could consider it as something meant for Lady Jane." He waved a hoof. "Ah, well. I will deal with that later on. Loki is what matters right now."

Tony was weirdly glad Thor had his priorities in order. Although Thor was his rival, he could be a good sport about this and admit that first and foremost, he wanted Loki to be happy.

"So do I, Friend Stark," Thor whispered. And again, Tony had apparently been thinking out loud.

As Tony fumed over his apparent inability to keep his reindeer mouth shut, Thor's eyes met his own. They were impossibly blue and shone with emotion and hidden power.

Tony caught himself thinking that and backtracked as quickly as possible. _No, bad mind, bad._ What the hell? No, that was too weird, even for him.

Quickly, Tony stumbled away from Thor. "Okay... I'm just going to go now. Good talk."

Tony fled, retreating into the elevator. Once he was safe out of the earshot of shape-shifted Norse gods, he finally said, "Jay, please tell me I did not wax poetic about Thor's eyes out loud."

Against all odds, JARVIS said, "You did not, Sir." Tony slumped down in relief, even if, of course, JARVIS had to add, "You seemed too lost in said eyes to speak."

"Cut the sass, Jay," Tony said.

"To be fair, Sir, you did ask."

Tony moaned, idly wondered how he could even do so in his own voice since this form didn't theoretically have the same vocal chords and then decided there was no point in feeling embarrassed or sorry for himself. He was Tony Stark, damn it. He might be a reindeer now, but some things never changed.

And when he thought about the smile on Loki's face when Tony had given him the spear and remembered that kiss... Yeah, that made Tony feel like a god too. He could deal with a little attraction for Thunder Horns. No biggie.

"Okay, Jay. We need to start on the next task. We have to blow Loki's mind with the best date ever. Oh, and maybe find a tailor that handles pets and stuff like that."

"Yes, Sir." JARVIS cleared his non-existent throat. "May I suggest alerting Ms. Potts?"

Tony mentally sighed. Somehow, he had avoided talking to Pepper about his current state—it wasn't that hard since they could still speak on the phone—but he supposed he'd have to tell her eventually, especially if this Loki thing was going to be... a thing.

"Probably a good idea, Jay. Although I'm likely not going to enjoy it."

"Probably, Sir. But... It is worth it, is it not?"

How did JARVIS always know what to say to cheer Tony up? "Yeah, JARV. Definitely."

And he'd won the first stage of this game. He might get the guy yet. And if he managed that, hell, yes, it would definitely be worth it.


	6. Tony: A Date with the God of Mischief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not going to lie. This wasn't an easy chapter to write because I kept wondering what was good enough for a date with Loki.  
> I hope I got it right :) Have fun!

Tony had asked to see her. Pepper was suspicious, because since they'd broken up, Tony managed to somehow wiggle out of most of their meetings. He often hid behind Bruce or JARVIS, and while someone—possibly Steve—still got him to do the paperwork, one on one meetings between them were rare.

She had been telling herself that it was unsurprising, that he needed to lick his wounds after their relationship had crashed and burned so spectacularly. They both wanted to go back to normal—to just friends—because that had worked for them, and for what it was worth, they were trying.

So this sudden "Come over, I need to talk to you about something important" was very suspicious indeed.

"JARVIS, he's not dying again, is he?" she asked as the elevator carried her to the penthouse.

"No, Ms. Potts," JARVIS replied smoothly. "Sir is not dying."

Sometimes, Pepper hated the fact that Tony couldn't hire an actual person like a normal human being. JARVIS's tone was impossible to read—it was very rare for him to show anything resembling real emotion—and his protocols made it unclear as to whether she'd even be honest with her.

The elevator doors opened and Pepper stepped out into the penthouse. "Tony, please tell me you're not..."

She trailed off when she realized he was nowhere to be seen. She looked around with a scowl. "Tony."

"Hi, Pep," his voice sounded from somewhere behind her.

Pepper pivoted on her heel. Still no Tony—but... There was someone there—well, not exactly a person. Pepper didn't know how she'd missed it the first time around. There was a reindeer in the living room.

"Tony? Please tell me this isn't like the rabbit incident. Whatever you did, I really don't need a live reindeer."

A hysterical part of Pepper wondered what could have possessed Tony to get her a reindeer as a gift, but this was Tony, and undoubtedly, it must have seen like a good idea to him at the time. Maybe it was just his idea of a fun Christmas present, because she might have said once that, as a child, she had been curious if Santa's reindeer could really fly, or something equally as ridiculous.

Most—if not all of Pepper's ideas would have probably been preferable compared to what actually happened. The reindeer lifted a hoof. "Err... No. Sorry. This is actually not like the rabbit incident. It's me. I'm the reindeer. Hi, Pep."

The reindeer was... talking. In Tony's voice. Pepper idly wondered how that was even possible.

This had to be some sort of dream. Nothing else could explain it. Maybe she'd watched some weird movie the night before. Yeah, that was definitely it. The rest of the Avengers would undoubtedly show up as elves. The Hulk could be Santa. God, she was losing it.

"Pep? You feeling okay?"

The reindeer trotted to her, and God, his eyes were exactly the same. Pepper had fallen in love with those eyes, so expressive, so full of emotion even when he tried to hide it.

"Pep, you don't look okay. Are you going to be sick? Jay, take her vitals. Oh, shit, I could have probably broken this to her more gently."

The rant snapped Pepper out of her trance. "Tony? Is that... really you?"

"Yeah. Sorry. We had a little mishap with magic, so I'm a reindeer now. But... The good news is that it's temporary, so I'll be back to normal in no time."

"Oh. Okay." And what did it say about her that magic turning people into reindeer was 'oh' territory? Jesus.

"But there is actually something I wanted to talk to you about."

"You mean this wasn't it?" Pepper gaped at Tony. "Tony! How long have you even been a reindeer?"

"A few days now," he replied. Days? How could she not have known? "Well, like I said, it's temporary, and I really didn't want to freak you out, so I figured it could wait a little until I got this whole thing with the courtship sorted out and Loki..."

"Wait, courtship? What courtship?"

"Right, that's the... actual thing. The more important thing. See, Thor and I are both courting Loki."

"Loki. The God of Mischief Loki. Thor's brother. That Loki."

"Yes." Tony's stance shifted slightly and his horns lifted in a posture that spoke of protectiveness. "Don't be like that, Pep. I know it sounds crazy, and I swear, I didn't mean for it to happen. But he's not evil, I really don't think he is. Hell, he turned me and Thor both into reindeer—if he really wanted to take over the world, he could have done it, easy, without all the drama and the putting together the Avengers thing. So I'm sure there's something more going on, and seriously, Pep, have you even looked at him? I mean... The guy is smoking..."

The sound of a cleared throat interrupted Tony's explanation. Pepper turned, only to find Bruce standing there, holding a mug of tea. "Brucey!" Tony exclaimed. "Science bro! Great timing."

Pepper was getting confused. Tony could be excitable on a regular basis, and he could go on and on—usually about science—but when it came to feelings, he was more liable to clam up then justify himself.

"Tony, I think you're confusing Pepper," Bruce said.

"Sorry, Pep." Tony visibly deflated. "I'm trying, I really am, but you know I'm not good at these things and..."

Bruce set his hand on Tony's head. "The spell sort of... cancels every brain-to-mouth filter Tony has. So he just kind of... blurts everything out."

"It seems to be controllable, up to a point," JARVIS offered, "but Sir is still unaccustomed to it."

"Right. I guess... That kind of... makes sense?" From a twisted Loki logic point of view, at least. "Because animals are honest?"

"Loki's idea of a prank." Bruce smiled. "I don't really think he intended for both Tony and his brother to sort of decide to want to have a... wooing competition over him, but it turned out that way."

Pepper groaned. "Doctor Banner, there's so much wrong with this situation I don't even know where to start. I thought Loki was dead."

"Nope." Tony was almost dancing in place with excitement. Pepper wondered if anyone had had the foresight to keep him out of the coffee. "Very much alive and as sexy as ever. Which brings me here. Pep, I need clothes."

"Clothes. For your... reindeer form?"

"Yes." Tony nodded. It looked weird on a reindeer. "He's a prince! I can't court him properly when I'm basically running around naked. And Thor already came down from Asgard decked out in armor and everything."

"It's true," Doctor Banner said. "He had little... plaits in his coat."

Ever helpful, JARVIS turned on the display on Tony's TV and played a video feed. There it was—Thor as a reindeer, dressed in armor, with Loki, surrounded by what looked like enough gold to buy a third world country.

Pepper watched Loki press two strikingly soft kisses on Tony and Thor's foreheads and abandoned all sanity. "Okay. Clothes it is. What did you have in mind?"

****

The day of his date with Loki, Tony paced. He'd made all the arrangements, organized everything, checked and double-checked so that Loki would have the best date ever. Still, he was nervous.

Loki had left a message mentioning that he would be arriving shortly after breakfast. He needn't have bothered, because Tony had just thrown money at everything and booked every locale for the whole day. It was probably too late to give Loki his weight in gold, but he'd compensate somehow.

Still, knowing the time helped, because he could get ready properly. He felt ridiculous about putting plaits in his coat—and really he had no idea how Thor had even managed that since reindeer fur wasn't conducive to hair styling—so in the end he decided against it, but he was pretty satisfied with his choice of clothing.

After careful consideration, they had decided on a bodysuit reminiscent of Tony's own Iron Man undersuit. He couldn't exactly wear a tux, after all—that would just look ridiculous. The reindeer coat made it a bit complicated—but they eventually managed to get it right. Tony had originally considered red and gold like suit, but he'd wanted to hold onto the ribbons somehow, since they obviously had meaning, and red, gold and green was far too much. He'd really look like a Christmas reindeer.

So, instead, they'd modeled the reindeer suit after Loki's armor—black, green and gold, and the result was quite stunning. Since an actual armor wasn't feasible at this point, Tony had added some repulsors at the base of his hooves. The material of the suit was actually embedded with sensors that could detect every twitch of his muscles. There was also a reactor, lower down, around Tony's middle. The reindeer suit would also have a headset with a direct link to JARVIS, which would help a lot since even if he had experience flying now, this reindeer body was an entirely different matter.

When JARVIS let them know that Loki had popped up in the penthouse, it took everything in Tony's power not to activate the repulsors and fly there. Instead, he acted like a nice little reindeer and politely trotted to greet his guest.

As always, Loki looked amazing. Once again, he was dressed in his ceremonial armor, although now, he had Tony's spear with him. He greeted Tony with a small smile. "Anthony, you look well."

"You too, Reindeer of my Heart. Ready for our date?"

"Looking forward to it very much."

"I admit I'm a little nervous." Tony didn't even try to censor his thoughts, because he knew he was going to blurt this out at one point during the date, so why bother? "But I thought... What is something the God of Mischief is going to enjoy?"

"I'm intrigued." Loki arched a brow. "Show me. Where are we headed?"

"Mount me."

Loki gave him a look of disbelief. Tony loved it. "No, really, mount me. Seriously, you have any idea how difficult it would be to run around as a reindeer? Even in a helicopter... No, that's not happening. So, mount me."

"You do realize I'm a little heavier than I look, don't you, Anthony?"

Tony hadn't considered that. He'd only tried this idea with Bruce. "Well, let's try anyway."

Loki banished most of his fancy armor, and then mounted Tony with ease. Tony let out a small _ooph_. Loki had been right. He was heavier than Bruce. Damn alien and their gorgeous dense bodies.

Still, Tony's chest began to shine and Tony found it wasn't too difficult to move around. "Okay. Here goes nothing. Hold on tight, Reindeer of my Heart."

On cue, the doors that led toward the Iron Man platform opened. Tony gathered momentum, ran forward—and jumped.

The repulsors activated, and Tony was flying. Fuck Santa's sleigh, he was the Reindeer of Iron, and he had the best flying skills.

Loki burst into laughter, holding on to Tony's horns in an apparent attempt not to fall off. "You mad, mad Midgardian. Come now, my valliant steed. Take me to your castle."

"So I'm both the prince and the horse?" Tony snorted. "There's something wrong with this picture."

"Details."

"Can you... You know, magic us invisible or something?" Tony asked. "I don't want news helicopters to start following." He had a backup plan of JARVIS keeping the nosy vultures at bay if it was needed, but that came with some disadvantages.

"Already done," Loki replied.

Satisfied that they wouldn't be followed, Tony flew them to their first destination. "I have decided, Reindeer of my Heart, that you need to experience Midgard properly. Sure, I could have gotten you on the elegant dining date thing, but I thought... You're just coming off a kingship. You're fucking bored with formalities. So instead, we'll just have some fun together."

Loki looked at the sign on the building. "Paint ball?" He was obviously confused. Tony had been conflicted on this one, because for all that he was a space viking, Loki was the more quiet, scholarly type. But he was also the God of Mischief and there was just something completely ridiculous about chasing one another with guns that made a huge mess.

For the purpose of this exercise, Tony had hired five teams of twelve people, all professionals at this sort of thing. For the first attempt, it would be two teams against Tony and Loki—and the rest were instructed to attack depending on how it went.

He wanted to make it a bit of a challenge, otherwise it was no fun. And Tony was a freaking flying reindeer, so he couldn't exactly arm himself with paintball guns, but he had his ways around that.

Loki got the idea pretty quickly. He also got very into it. Although he obviously kept it light-hearted, he had a lot of fun randomly teleporting around people or casting illusions to make them shoot one another. Tony armed himself with balloons filled with paint and flew around and dropped them on their heads. It was fucking messy, but harmless.

Eventually, Tony was shot, and Loki got really serious about the game after that. Well, not so serious so as to hurt anyone—Tony had stressed that these were still breakable Midgardians—but enough that he really wiped the floor with them.

By the end, they were all laughing, even the enemy teams. "Shit, that was crazy," one guy said. "I really didn't know what to say when they told me we were being hired by Iron Man for a sort of team exercise. Are you a new Avenger or what?"

"Of a sort," Loki replied, winking. "You'll find out eventually."

"What I want to know," a woman drawled, "is why the reindeer is speaking with Tony Stark's voice."

"Obviously, cos I'm Tony Stark," Tony replied huffily. "Why do you think you had to sign all those non-disclosure contracts?"

"Magic," Loki elaborated. "He's under a curse and he's working it out of his system."

"Oh. Okay."

Tony had no idea if they believed that, but he didn't really care, because that had gone well. Loki cleaned them up with a flick of his fingers, and they headed to their next destination.

By now Tony was getting hungry. He'd have liked to take Loki on a tour of all the restaurants in New York, but eating was problematic when you were a reindeer. He'd rented some locales anyway, just in case Loki decided to shift him back at the last moment, but since he hadn't, it was Plan A.

Plan A involved a hot air balloon, the two of them relaxing as they flew—without Tony actually having to do it—and food being delivered to them by virtue of JARVIS.

"Well, this is definitely creative, I'll tell you that," Loki said as he started on the first dish. He was lounging on some comfortable pillows, and he looked ridiculously perfect, even now.

"There's nothing quite like food to get you to understand Midgard."

As they ate, they chatted a bit more. Loki was very interested in learning how Tony had managed to incorporate the repulsors without blowing his hooves off or even scorching his fur. "To be fair, the first time I tried, I almost did exactly that," Tony admitted. "But this is just a body, and my mind's the same. So you know... Mind over matter. Thank you for that, by the way."

Loki offered him a soft smile. "I would never take your mind from you, Anthony. Never."

There was a shadow in his eyes, and Tony couldn't bear to see it. He nuzzled Loki's neck. "Hey, no sadness. This is a day for fun and for getting to know one another when we're not... blowing each other up."

"Very well said. I have to admit it was quite nice to let out some aggression in a harmless setting. Thor and I used to spar when I lived in Asgard, but now... Well, there is no one left."

"Well, not anymore. You have us now."

Tony also questioned Loki about his magic—because he couldn't possibly keep himself from doing it and Loki was just that fascinating. Fortunately, magic was apparently a topic Loki was very happy to talk about, and they must have spent hours just sitting around, debating the difference between Loki's physics-bending powers and Tony's science.

About halfway through the afternoon, Tony finally remembered he'd planned more for their day and took Loki to the ballet. Loki was all about grace and elegance, and Tony thought he could appreciate the strength and discipline of the dancers.

Loki did. He watched the dancing avidly, and even if Tony had paid a fortune to have the place to themselves, it was so worth it.

The last venue on Tony's tentative list was a skating rink. "I admit I sort of wanted to try it. I have to wonder if reindeer are really as helpless on the ice as Frozen claims. And you know, tis the season."

Loki arched a brow at him. "And this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm a Frost Giant?"

"Weeell, maybe. I had to try. I admit I don't really know much about that bit of your history—Thor was pretty tight-lipped other than some bits and pieces he told me when he was really really drunk—but hey, you are who you are, you know?"

"Yes..." Loki murmured. "I do know."

For a few seconds, Tony panicked. He thought he had fucked up. But instead of getting angry, Loki created a pair of ice skates and went sliding down the ice.

He was beautiful, like poetry in motion, and Tony forgot all about his own experiment and just sat down to watch. Loki didn't let him wiggle out for long, though. Instead, he chased Tony down. He checked on the repulsors—the mechanism was retracted so they were far enough Tony's leg that it was safe to attach skates.

Tony didn't have horseshoes—for obvious reasons—but he didn't need them in the end, because Loki used his magic for him too and pulled Tony onto the ice. And it was just as ridiculous as expected, since Tony was a lumbering reindeer, and he fell on his ass more than once, but it was fine, because Loki was laughing, and yes, if he could get Loki to laugh every single day of his life, Tony would die happy.

He'd probably said that out loud because Loki brushed his hand over Tony's flank. "Don't be ridiculous, Anthony. You're not going to die."

Tony worked very hard to keep himself from saying that he was mortal, and it would happen eventually. He must have succeeded, because he managed not to bring the mood down.

The sun was starting to set by now, and Tony and Loki left the rink. They briefly returned to the balloon and had dinner, and Loki expressed his delight over the Indian food Bruce had recommended.

Much too soon, the date was over. "Thank you for a wonderful time, Anthony," Loki said. "I truly enjoyed it."

"I'm glad. I enjoyed it too." And he had. When he'd first met Loki, he'd been fascinated because of his magic, sexually attracted because... well, the reasons behind that were obvious, and intrigued by his motives. Now... It was so much more.

He had no idea if he said that out loud or not. Maybe he did, because once again, Loki shifted him back into human form.

This time, their kiss was lazier, but full of promise, of enthusiasm and a different kind of understanding. "I will see you again soon, Man of Iron," Loki murmured once they broke away. "The day after tomorrow."

A flick of his fingers, and Tony was a reindeer again. Loki vanished and Tony was left alone in a bit of a fugue.

"I do believe the date was a success, Sir," JARVIS said from his headset.

"I think so too, Jay," Tony replied. "I think so too."

But despite himself, Tony couldn't help but wonder what tomorrow—Thor's date—would bring. Who would Loki truly pick? And Tony had completely forgotten to address the matter of what had happened during the invasion.

They were still so much that could go wrong. Tony could only hope that somehow, against all odds, he'd manage to get it right.


	7. Thor: A Date for Two Brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I will be brief in my notes. I know that I've really delayed this - but what with working on A Friend for A Week, I simply haven't had the time :) Even so, I hope you will enjoy the chapter.  
> As always, comments, kudos, hits and subscribes are very very appreciated.

Odin sat heavily on his throne, watching his son approach. A migraine already pounded at his skull. He'd felt that way ever since he'd decided to look into what Thor was doing and what he had in mind for that mortal of his—only to find Thor had different plans altogether.

Thor was a reindeer. The treasures had been meant to serve for a courtship of Loki. Odin had no idea which part of the situation to address first.

His son trotted up to the throne, head held high despite his peculiar form. "Father, I come to speak to you in a matter of great import."

"About Loki," Odin said. "You know I cannot possibly approve of this."

Thor pointed his horns in a sort of threatening stance. "I have not asked for your approval. I see now that both Loki and I have sought that far too much."

Odin blinked. Thor had never said anything like that. He vaguely remembered Thor's current shape made it impossible for him to hide uncomfortable truths.

"So this is what you truly think of me, Thor."

"In many things, I do not know my own heart, but I do believe Asgard has put too much faith in your wisdom. I believe there are countless things you did not tell me about my brother, and that there was more to the invasion than I still realize."

Odin said nothing. It wasn't like he could argue with the truth. He knew he had made mistakes when it came to his youngest and had been too hasty in making a decision. He had been so angry when Thor had returned from Midgard that he would have truly been capable of executing Loki.

These mistakes had cost him his wife—for Odin had no doubt that if Loki had not been imprisoned that day, Frigga would still be alive.

"What would you have me do, Thor?"

"I wish to retrieve a relic from the Weapons Vault."

"A relic." Odin scowled. "Which one?"

"The... useless one."

Odin was befuddled. "Why would you possibly need that?"

"I require it for my plan to woo my brother."

Odin's headache intensified. He wished that, at the very least, Thor could stop calling Loki his brother—if he insisted on this courtship matter. But apparently not.

The scent of flowers and apples suddenly tickled his nose. Thor seemed oblivious, but Odin was definitely not. "Yes, of course, Thor," Odin said quickly. "You can take the relic. And tell Loki he can return to Asgard at his leisure. I hereby lift his banishment."

Thor's eyes widened—which looked a little strange on his reindeer face. "Truly? Thank you, Father. Loki will be most pleased."

Norns, Odin hoped so. They hadn't parted on best terms. Odin had thought Loki had stolen his throne and sabotaged Asgard, and as it turned out, Loki had been a fair and just king, to the point that no one had even been able to tell his true identity.

Satisfied, Thor bowed—insofar as he could at least. As Thor trotted out of the throne room, Odin murmured, "Happy now, wife?"

There was no response, but Odin didn't really expect it. He sighed. He'd probably have far more groveling to do before he got his family to forgive him.

****

The day of his date with Loki, Thor clad himself in his ceremonial armor and waited for his beloved brother at the Tower. He did not have any details of Loki's date with the Man of Iron, but he suspected it had gone well. Anthony Stark had proven to be a worthy match for Loki—in more than one way.

As always, the thought stirred a wealth of confusing emotions inside Thor. He pushed it all back and focused on his goal. He could still win this. He could still win his brother's hand. They had always been meant to be—Thor had just been too blind to see it.

Loki appeared in the penthouse—as he always did—which meant Thor had to go up from his floor to that of the Man of Iron. He half-expected the Man of Iron to be there, ingratiating himself to Loki, but he wasn't.

Then again, Anthony had proven to be very respectful of their customs and clearly had Loki's best interests in mind, so of course he would respect Loki's decisions.

Shaking himself, Thor trotted to his brother's side. "Brother. Thank you for coming and granting me this chance."

Loki smiled, a quirk of lips that reminded Thor of better, easier days. "I did say I would, did I not? Now... What are your plans?"

"Hold onto me, please, brother," Thor indicated.

Loki looked bemused, but complied, gripping one of Thor's horns. Thor unveiled the teleportation amulet he'd acquired with so much trouble. He tapped it gently with a hoof and thought about his destination.

In seconds, they had left Midgard and had landed at the right spot. Loki didn't immediately look around. Instead, he shot Thor a suspicious look. "Thor... The amulet. Where did you get it from?"

"I acquired it from the Midgardian sorcerer Doctor Strange," Thor said. "I traded an Asgardian relic from the Vault for it."

It had required quite some effort. He'd tried Aesir mages before, but most of them were healers and knew nothing of teleportation charms. In despair, Thor had enlisted the Captain to help assist him find a magic user who was liable to help him. He had not actually expected for it to work, but going to Alfheim or Vanaheim in search of magical artifacts would have been problematic.

Fortunately, SHIELD had apparently kept tabs on Midgardian magic users—which was how Thor had run into Steven Strange. He was quite proud of the end result.

Obviously, Loki didn't know all the details, because he just gaped at Thor. "You did... what?" His voice grew a little squeaky at the end, and if anyone had any doubts about Loki being genuinely concerned for Asgard, that would have settled it.

"Do not panic, my brother. I simply handed the Eternal Flame to him for safe keeping. He was quite honored."

For a few moments, Loki just stared at him, and then he burst into laughter. "Oh, my. Thor, you... That thing is useless. It's just fire that always burns. It can't even feed magic. It's more of a nuisance than anything else."

Of course, Thor knew that. He also knew that the Eternal Flame had been guarded because it was believed that it would eventually be used to light Surtr's blade. But the Sorcerer Supreme was a good guardian for it, and Surtr would not know to come for the Flame on Midgard.

"Well, yes, but it is still a mighty artifact of Asgard, as I promised him, and more than enough payment for the amulet."

Loki shook his head, but he was still chuckling so Thor counted it as a win. And then Loki looked around, and he froze.

"This is..."

He didn't finish the phrase, but he didn't have to, because their location was obvious. They were on Vanaheim, in the same grove they'd visited countless times during their youth.

"Yes," Thor said with a small smile.

This had been their place, back when they'd been only children, before life had dragged them in separate directions. Even then, Thor had been friends with Fandral, but he had never brought anyone else but Loki here.

"I thought you had forgotten," Loki whispered.

"Never," Thor replied. "At one point, I told myself that I had outgrown it, that it was time for something else. But I think... This is really where I fell in love with you."

Loki looked stricken. "Thor..."

"I know, brother, that in many ways I am lacking. I have failed you, and I have recently realized that despite all our years, I do not know you nearly as well as I should. But at the same time, I cannot believe all of our memories can be discarded. I was afraid, my brother, afraid for so long—until I forgot why I was even afraid. And I know that it might be too late, that I have no right to ask anything of you and that in truth..." He didn't want to say this, but it had been constantly on his mind for days now. "That the Man of Iron might be a better match for you. But I will still not give up, and if nothing else, perhaps, if you do decide to choose him, you would at least have me as your brother again."

It was Thor's hope that it would not get to that, but if it did, he at least knew that Anthony Stark could make his brother happy—and that was far more than he and Loki had had a few days ago. Norns, until recently, Thor had thought Loki was dead.

Much to Thor's surprise, Loki shot him a small smile. "Oh, Thor... What am I going to do with you?"

The words sounded fond and Thor madly stomped on the instinctual thought that popped up in his head. He could think of a few things he and Loki could do together—many, many things. But now was not the time to mention them.

For the first time, Thor was grateful he had experience with Loki's shifting hexes, because otherwise, he'd have truly made a fool out of himself. He still ran a significant chance of doing so, since many of the memories they shared were bittersweet. But that was their past, and Thor couldn't change it. He could, however, make a vow to Loki that he would do better—as a brother, as a lover, or in whatever capacity Loki accepted him as.

Loki walked forward, past Thor and toward the clear lake glittering in the distance. "Well, come on now. I believe we have quite a lot to explore if this is what you're planning for the entire day."

They ended up bathing in the lake together—and Thor was half-thankful he was still a reindeer. For all that swimming was awkward in this shape, the hex made him unable to respond to Loki's nakedness like he normally would have. It still distracted him, but it was nowhere near as bad as it could have been.

After they bathed, Thor lay down on the grass to dry his coat, while Loki simply basked in the sunlight. He didn't say anything, but that was fine, because he seemed content, and Thor was more than happy to just watch him.

They didn't mention their mother, although Thor knew Loki must be thinking about her. She had been Vanir, and she was also the reason why they'd come here as children. Thor knew that he had failed her as well, and that, unfortunately, Loki's words during the incident with the Aether had been more correct than he'd have liked to admit.

To distract himself for his dark thoughts, Thor physically shook himself—and succeeded to splash Loki with the remaining water in his coat. Loki let out a sound that reminded Thor of a startled bird.

"You oaf," he fumed, his eyes glittering. "It seems that even as a reindeer you cannot be trusted to remain still for a moment. I think this calls for a punishment."

This was why, when Thor and Loki made their way to their next destination, Thor was literally... naked. Loki had magicked his reindeer fur off and now, Thor had absolutely no protection from the elements.

Oddly, he didn't mind that much, maybe because it made him remember of countless other pranks Loki had played on him throughout the years.

On Alfheim, Loki cast a cloaking charm on them, because they needed to enter a settlement this time around. The elves were also celebrating the turn of the year, and while it didn't coincide with mortal rites exactly, Thor and Loki had always enjoyed elven parties. Elves were free-spirited and open-minded and when they'd been younger, Loki had enjoyed coming to Alfheim very much.

In hindsight, Thor now realized it must have been at least in part because the elves never showed any disdain for Loki's magic. It had taken too long, too many angry tears and sad words ("I only wanted to be your equal", "I remember you casting me into an abyss", "You and your father cast large shadows", "See you in hell, monster", "Yes, I am a fool") for him to realize the truth.

But he was here now, with his brother, and somehow, he would fix what was broken between them.

As always, the elves provided great merriment. The food and drink was abundant—for the right price, of course. Thor couldn't eat any of it, but he did manage to procure a bag of oats which filled his belly just right.

He blamed the oats for finally blurting out something incredibly stupid.

"You know, a few centuries ago, I came to Alfheim and I ran into a maiden. I swear, she looked just like you—dark hair, fair skin, green eyes."

Loki went very still, and Thor panicked. Oh, no. They had been doing so well and now, Thor had managed to offend through a poorly thought out comment.

"Oh?" Loki asked. "And did you enjoy this maiden? She must have been something if you remember her even now."

Thor was so agitated that he couldn't hope to censor himself. "She was. I would have sought her out again, but I could never find her."

Loki laughed. "You truly are an oaf."

His form blurred, and suddenly, the maiden in question was standing where Loki had been. Thor stared. He couldn't help but remember the way her womanhood had clenched around his shaft, how she had writhed underneath him, how she'd clawed his back and ridden him into exhaustion. All this time, it had been Loki.

He must have had quite an expression, because Loki cracked up. "Oh, brother, if you could see your face. I never knew a reindeer could look so shocked."

Loki's words snapped Thor out of his trance. Well, at least he knew now that his brother was attracted to him—because he never would have gone through the trouble to do something like that for a simple prank, only to keep it to himself for centuries.

"Not necessarily shocked, but pleasantly surprised." Thor looked at his brother—sister now, maybe?—and realized that he could still see Loki, despite the change in shape. "I should have known it was you."

Loki poked him in his forehead. "You were never very discerning when you were well into your cups. In truth, I didn't even expect you to be able to... perform. I'm in awe that you even remember the incident."

Dread swirled in Thor's gut. Yes, he had been drunk, and probably not at his best. "Brother, I didn't leave you unsatisfied, did I?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Come now, Thor. I believe we still have a celebration to attend."

That wasn't an answer, and Thor feared that he'd left an awful memory on Loki during their first time together. He vowed that if Loki ever gave him the chance, he'd make it up to his brother.

For the moment, Loki clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore—so the elvish celebration it was. They spent hours on Alfheim, and soon, Thor forgot to feel self-conscious, because it was so easy to fall back into the natural affection he'd always felt for his brother, ever since they'd been children.

He had planned to visit Asgard as well, but the time simply ran away from them, and soon, the hour was growing late. Before Thor knew it, they needed to go back to Midgard.

With a great deal of regret, Thor teleported them back to the Tower. "Thank you for joining me today, brother. I enjoyed myself greatly."

"So did I, Thor."

Loki waved a hand, and Thor was suddenly back into his normal shape. He staggered a little as his balance adjusted, but his brother's strong arms came around his waist. And Loki's lips were suddenly so close, and his breath tickled Thor's face—and how had he ever managed to resist this for so long and pretend he didn't want his brother in this way?

He wanted nothing more than to lean forward and steal a kiss, but it wouldn't have been appropriate. Fortunately, Loki took mercy on him and pressed their mouths together.

As kisses went, it was chaste, a close-mouthed lip-lock that did nothing to quench the fire burning inside Thor. Still, Thor's senses and his very sense of self were invaded by his need for his brother. He wanted to touch Loki so badly, to hold him close and never let go.

All too soon, Loki pulled away, and Thor was a reindeer again. On a positive note, he had his fur back. Sadly, it also meant Loki would be leaving soon.

"I will come see you and the Man of Iron tomorrow," Loki promised. "Good night, brother."

"Good night, Loki."

It was only when Loki had already vanished that Thor realized he had forgotten to mention that his father had lifted the banishment. He made a mental note to tell Loki tomorrow.

On the whole, he thought the date had gone well. When they weren't at each other's throats, Thor and Loki fit together just as well as they always had.

Still, a worm of doubt niggled at the back of Thor's mind. He remembered Anthony Stark's smile and his brilliant eyes and he knew the battle wasn't over yet. There was still no telling what Loki would choose.  



	8. The Right Match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm so late with this. I had half a chapter written for a while, but I kept getting distracted or busy with other stuff. Anyway, it's up now, so enjoy! As you probably noticed, the story rating has been changed to explicit.  
> As always, thank you for every comment, kudos and hit! You're very encouraging.

The day after his date with Thor, Loki paced in his rented apartment. He didn't know what to do. He had promised to go see Thor and Anthony today, but he was torn.

The gifts and the dates had hit him a little harder than he'd expected. In all honesty, he hadn't been planning for anything in specific when he'd agreed to this courtship, which in hindsight, had been stupid of him.

But then, hadn't his mother told him that he was always so perceptive... about everything except himself? She'd been so very right.

What now? A part of him agreed that he and Thor could never be truly parted. Even at his worst, Loki had never been able to stay away from his brother. And even when he'd thought they were blood, Loki had desired him.

But then there was the Man of Iron, with his clever eyes and bright heart. Loki had never been intrigued by a mortal so much before. They were fleeting—he had told Thor as much about the Lady Jane—and he should have never allowed himself to care for one of them... But Anthony Stark had more wit and courage in his little finger than three quarters of the Aesir did in their entire stupid immortal bodies.

So... Where did he go from here?

He looked at the armbands on the table—Thor's gift to him. Perhaps... Was it possible that they had not been meant for him after all?

He wanted to believe that wasn't true, but... The fact remained that Loki was still an exile from Asgard. Odin must have found out about Thor's idea by now, but he was likely counting on Loki saying no. Because eventually, Thor would need a queen—and Loki might be many things, but an Allmother, he was not.

He looked at the weapon Anthony had given him. It fitted him better than anything he'd commissioned himself from the most talented artisans of the nine realms. But Anthony was a hero. Where could Loki possibly fit into his life?

Loki pressed his lips together. He was going in circles and he couldn't delay the unavoidable for much longer.

It was time to go see his suitors.

Bracing himself, Loki teleported to the tower. The penthouse seemed empty when he arrived, but Loki knew better.

"JARVIS, would you notify Thor and Anthony that I am here and I wish to speak to both of them?"

"Of course, Prince Loki," came the voice of Anthony's disembodied steward.

It didn't take long at all for Thor and Anthony to make their appearance. They'd obviously been waiting for Loki, because they were all decked out in their courtship clothes.

Loki made a mental note to discuss the matter of Anthony's reindeer suit with him at some point in the future. Something like that would make a good present for Sleipnir. And even if Loki couldn't go back to Asgard, he could get Thor to deliver the gift.

That is—assuming Thor and Anthony even wanted to talk to him after today... Norns.

Anthony and Thor trotted to his side. "Looking good, Reindeer of my Heart," Anthony said. "So... What's next?"

"Who won the last part of the competition, brother?" Thor asked, sounding anxious.

Loki didn't know what to say to that, so instead, he decided that for once, he would tell the truth. He owed Thor and Anthony that much—and depending on their reaction, he'd go from there.

"Before I give you my reply, I will start with telling you a little story. Once upon time, on a frozen planet, a runt Jotnar prince was born..."

****

"And so, the Jotnar prince succeeded to get his revenge on the Mad Titan and his forces. He hoped that, once in Asgard, he would get his foster father to see the truth of the Titan's threat, but alas, his words were deemed deception, and he was sentenced to prison for all eternity. It was only when a certain dark elf attacked Asgard that he was released, once again to be used. He managed to save the life of his oaf of a brother, although it nearly cost him his own. Finally, he safeguarded Asgard while his foster father slept, only to be banished once more after he was no longer needed. The end."

"Brother!" Thor's eyes were in tears. "I am so sorry. I did not know."

"I should have seen it." Anthony's voice was dark and angry. "You know, I kind of hated delivering that nuclear missile, but now, I'm sort of glad. Fuckers."

"I wish you had not been forced to." Loki combed his fingers through Anthony's coat. He really should turn them both back, but when they were like this, he had the certainty of their honesty. And he had been lied to for so long...

"You should not have been forced to face the void," he said, shaking himself. "At any rate, as you can imagine, the threat of the Titan is not over. He will come to Midgard eventually, especially now that you defeated his forces once before."

Anthony took a step back, moving away from Loki's reach. "That's why you agreed to join the Avengers? Were you just using us?"

"Yes and no. It was more like... I have always been attracted to Thor. I even sneaked into his bed once in a different shape. And you Man of Iron... You fascinated me from the moment Barton showed me your file. The mortal with the heart of metal... The hero whose so-called superpower is his intelligence. I admit being with both of you has been flattering and I would have been amendable to bedding either one of you." Loki sighed. "But that is the problem. I cannot choose. So... Here we are."

"Brother... Do you genuinely care for us?" Thor asked quietly.

"Of course I do, Thor. Perhaps... Too much. These days, I seem to lose everyone I love."

Taking a step back, Loki finally gathered his courage and ended the spell. Naturally, the garments his suitors were wearing hardly fit their true forms, and he was oddly fond of them—so he banished them first, not wanting them to rip.

The side-effect was that Thor and Anthony ended up naked. It took Loki aback a little—which, in hindsight, wasn't very clever of him. He wasn't shy about nudity, but this wasn't exactly conducive to having a serious conversation.

He cleared his throat, marveling at the fact that even after all these years, something could still mortify him. "There you go. The spell has ended. Perhaps you should dress for the next part of the conversation."

Anthony stared at himself. Then he stared at Thor. His gaze was obviously appreciative as he raked it over Thor's body. Thor was doing his own share of looking and his desire was impossible to miss. And that was when Loki understood.

He was not meant for them, for either of them. His purpose had been merely to bring them together. And hadn't it been obvious from the very beginning? They were both heroes, their courage hailed throughout their home realms. Anthony even wore Thor's colors, for Norns' sake.

Once again, Loki had managed to willfully blind himself to a truth so obvious even a babe should have seen it.

Well, he wasn't blind any longer and he realized all too well that it was now time to remove himself from the picture. He'd already made a bit of a mess because he hadn't figured out the truth sooner.

It would now be inappropriate to return the courtship gifts, but he couldn't keep the armbands from his mother. Those had been intended for a different purpose.

Loki ached, but he retrieved the armbands from his dimensional pocket nonetheless. Instantly, his suitors—former suitors, he mentally amended—focused on him once again.

"Brother?"

Thor's voice trembled slightly. Anthony said nothing at all. Loki needed to get this over with, as quickly as possible.

"I swore an oath that once this is over, I would wed one of you. I cannot foreswear that oath, so you must free me from it."

"What?" Thor asked. "Why?"

"Because my true role has become clear to me." He extended the bracelets—to Anthony. "It was never me you were meant for, Thor. I see that now."

Anthony spluttered. "Wait... You mean... You want us to..."

Loki nodded. "You are a good match. The princes of two realms. It was always going to be this way, for Midgard has to come together with Asgard."

"I do not wish for my wedding to be about politics," Thor snapped.

"But it's not, is it? Can you truly claim you have no feelings for the Man of Iron?"

Thor glanced away guiltily. "It is different."

"It's really not." Loki looked at Anthony again. "Come now, Anthony. You know this is for the best. Midgard would have never accepted me. But Thor..."

"Oh, this is quite enough."

The female voice interrupted Loki's attempt to convince Anthony of what, to him, seemed obvious. He turned—only to see his mother standing behind Anthony's bar.

Loki couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. The last time he had seen her, he had told her she was not truly his mother. He had not even been there for her funeral.

He had not expected to see her ever again, since he doubted that, even if he did die in battle, Odin would receive him in Valhalla.

And now, she was looking at him the same way she had when he'd been a child and somehow managed to make the curtains burst into fire while supposedly attempting to summon a water snake.

"Loki, my darling... What am I going to do with you?"

Behind Loki, Anthony yelped and Loki realized both Anthony and Thor were still naked. Mercifully, Thor managed to muster enough coherence to summon his battle armor—and thank the Norns that even Thor could manage to work that enchantment. Meanwhile, Loki flicked his fingers and produced the one outfit of Anthony's he could have recreated in his sleep—the one he had been wearing when they'd first met.

This didn't really help Loki with the matter at hand, though. His mother walked around the bar, practically gliding toward them with that same grace that she'd always displayed for as long as Loki could remember.

"M-Mother?"

Her expression softened. "Yes, Loki. It is I."

"Mother, how can this be?" Thor sounded as shocked as Loki felt. "You... fell to the Accursed."

He obviously couldn't even say the word "dead", and Loki couldn't blame him for it. Sometimes, he liked to pretend that if he went back to Asgard, he would find her there, waiting for him with a smile and a hug.

"I did," she confirmed. "And it was only then that I realized what a fool I'd been. The meaning of my visions finally became clear to me."

"Your visions?" Loki repeated.

"Yes. I always sensed your destiny was entwined with Thor's, but I could not figure out where it had gone wrong. When he was exiled, I believed the mortal Jane was the key. But she merely made the gap between you bigger—and then..."

She shuddered, and Loki knew they were not the only ones unable to speak certain things. "The bridge. The Titan."

"Yes. I did not know about the Titan, Loki." She extended his hand toward him, but stopped before she could touch him. She was glowing—brighter than an illusion. A manifestation of her spirit.

"I believe you, Mother," he heard himself say as if through a haze.

He was startled from his trance when Anthony coughed lightly. "So... Your Majesty... Welcome to Midgard, I guess. And welcome back... from... err... the dead."

Loki could only imagine what his mortal must think of all this. If it was odd for Loki, how would Anthony see it?

"Thank you, Man of Iron. Once I knew what needed to be done, I could not stay away." She sighed, now sounding frustrated. "Alas, ever have the men in my family been too stubborn for their own good."

Thor made a sound of realization. "Oh! Are you the reason Father agreed to cancel Loki's exile?"

Loki gave his brother a narrow-eyed and somewhat exasperated look. One would have thought that Thor would have remembered to mention that little tidbit the day before, but in some things, Thor never changed.

"He was most dismayed when he could not find me in Valhalla." She pressed her lips together. "As if I would make it that easy after the mess he created. I swear..."

She shook her head, as if physically dispelling a thought. "At any rate, I did not come here to talk about Odin."

"Then why did you come, Mother? Was I wrong in my assessment that Anthony is a match for Thor?"

His mother smiled at him gently. "You were not wrong, but you were not right either. Let me put it this way. There is a reason why there are _two_ armbands, and it is not the one you might have originally deemed accurate."

The words were vague, but the way she stressed the word "two" as well as the telling glance she gave them was more than enough for Loki to understand what she meant. "Oh."

Thor didn't speak at all. He just made a noise that sounded like he was choking. It was Anthony who actually vocalized what they were all thinking.

"You're shitting me. I mean... The three of us? That can actually... be a thing? Because I'm totally down with that. I mean, there must be something in the water in Asgard, because damn, your kids are smoking." He paused, his eyes comically wide. "Seriously, this isn't happening. Jay, I'm having a dream, aren't I? And when I wake up, I'll still be a reindeer—which would definitely explain why I suddenly can't stop talking and why I just told the queen of Asgard I have the hots for her kids."

"Oh, I assure you you're quite awake, Man of Iron," Frigga offered. "And Loki's spell has completely left your system, but that doesn't mean you don't want to be honest about your true feelings in this matter."

Loki was torn between embarrassment, distress and something frustratingly similar to hope. "Mother..."

His mother didn't let him finish the phrase. "None of that, my dear. You know I'm right." She gestured for him to get closer to Thor and Anthony. "Now come on. You've always made your own rules, and you've always been special. Why is it so hard to believe that this would be special too?"

And that made so much sense that Loki ached. But still, he wasn't sure it was what Thor truly wanted. And even Anthony... He claimed he was open to the option, but once he thought a little more about it...

"Thor is going to be king one day," he said hesitantly. "He needs a—"

Suddenly, Thor grabbed his arm and pulled him close. The next thing Loki knew, his brother was kissing him, crushing their mouths together and effectively silencing Loki's every argument.

When Thor pulled away, Anthony took his place. It was different—of course it was. Thor utterly ravished Loki's mouth, but Anthony coaxed and seduced, like he was the silver tongue, not Loki.

By the time it was over, Loki was painfully hard. He'd have probably done something really crazy if his mother hadn't still been there, looking at them.

She clapped her hands together and Anthony jumped slightly, having obviously forgotten about her presence.

"Excellent. That settles that. Don't worry about Asgard, Loki. I suppose they'll be shocked at first, but they'll get over it. I'll make sure of it. After all, Odin owes me, and if he doesn't want to spend eternity with me giving him the cold shoulder, he'll listen."

"You know, Your Majesty, I think I really like you," Anthony said.

Frigga laughed. "The sentiment is reciprocated, Man of Iron. I like you as well." She looked at Thor and Loki. "Now, my dear sons, I will leave you to handle your own affairs. Never forget that I will always be with you."

At the sudden goodbye, Loki panicked. "Mother, wait!" he blurted out. "Please, wait."

His tone seemed to alarm Frigga. "What is it, Loki?"

"Forgive me," he whispered. "It was I who told Kurse where to strike against Asgard's defenses."

The thought had been tormenting him ever since that fateful day, ever since the guard had come and told him his mother was dead. It was in part why he'd gone back to Asgard even when he'd been aware there was nothing left for him on the Golden Realm. It hadn't really been about Thanos—mostly, it had been about her.

Frigga's gaze softened. "Oh, Loki. It was never your fault. Some things are meant to happen. Kurse would have found his target even without your assistance. Assuming that he hadn't come to my quarters when he did, I would have still perished later on, for without my death, you would have never agreed to help Thor, and Malekith would have struck Asgard again."

Loki had never thought of it that way. "How can you been so sure?"

"I have seen it," she replied. "I've seen many things. Being free of my body showed me more than I can say. But know this, my son. Do not blame yourself for what happened to me. If anyone other than Malekith is responsible, it is Odin." She looked at Thor. "The same goes for you, Thor. I know you're thinking that had you not brought the Aether to Asgard, none of these things would have happened. But you trusted your father's wisdom and Asgard's strength. You now know they are not absolute. It is a good lesson to learn."

"Will we see you again?" Thor asked quietly.

"Of course. Probably sooner than you'd expect."

With one last smile, Frigga disappeared. For a few moments, Loki just stared at the spot where she'd been. And then, Thor wrapped an arm around him and kissed his temple. "All is well now, brother. All is well. You're not alone anymore."

"You're anything but alone," Anthony offered.

Loki looked from Anthony to Thor and finally threw all caution to the wind. "Anthony," he purred, "would you mind terribly if we... skipped the chastity part of the courtship?"

Anthony's eyes widened. "Hell, no. I don't mind at all."

Thor seemed just as enthusiastic. "Lead the way, Anthony."

Anthony guided them to his bedchambers with a speed that rivaled Loki's teleportation. Once they were there, Loki banished their clothing. "On the bed," he ordered. "Both of you."

He was gratified to see both men were completely erect and were staring at him avidly, but they also brushed against one another when they climbed onto Anthony's luxurious mattress. His mother had been right. The three of them fit together.

So... It was time for Loki to play. And he definitely had a lot at his disposal to play with.

He was tempted to tie Thor down, to pin his brother to the bed and have all that strength at his command. He didn't, since it would have defeated the purpose. He wanted to be touched and Thor couldn't exactly do that with his hands bound.

In the end, he didn't put any particular plan into action. He just joined Anthony and Thor on the bed—and it was enough. They were instantly surrounding him, Anthony in front of him, his lips hot and demanding on Loki's, Thor behind him, licking and sucking on Loki's throat. Anthony's erection slid against Loki's own, while Thor's hard shaft nudged Loki's backside.

From lazy kisses, they soon progressed to even more daring caresses. Loki was starved for it. It truly seemed forever since he'd experienced a gentle touch—other than his mother's, of course—let alone the touch of a lover. Anthony's callused hands felt like heaven on his skin and Thor's familiar scent made his head spin.

Soon, he was on his hands and knees on the bed. Anthony's shaft hovered in front of his face and Loki immediately put his mouth to good use. His mortal let out a low groan when Loki's mouth enveloped him.

And Loki would have drawn it out—he had a lot of tricks in his arsenal—but Thor had apparently decided to take a leaf out of Loki's book. He spread Loki's ass cheeks and thrust his tongue into his channel.

After that, things grew sort of blurry for Loki. He found that he didn't have to worry or think about what was happening. He simply became a vessel of pleasure. Anthony's hands felt so strong in his hair as his mortal started to fuck his mouth. And soon Thor was sliding into Loki's ass, his manhood stretching Loki almost to a painful extent.

It was easy and freeing and so right that Loki idly wondered why they'd waited so long to do it.

Loki was the one to come first, and both his lovers followed him over the edge. As Thor slid out of Loki, Anthony slumped down on the pillows, blinking dazedly at the ceiling. Loki took a few seconds as a breather and then bent over Anthony.

"Tired already, Man of Iron?"

"Uh... No? Just need a moment here. Not as young as I used to be."

Loki made a mental note to request an Apple from Odin as soon as possible. The reminder of Anthony's mortality was sobering.

In the meantime, for the purpose of their love-making, there was another solution. Loki passed a hand over Anthony's flank, letting his seidr sink into his mortal's skin. Just like that, Anthony went erect once more.

"Now, Anthony... I believe I want to see Thor fuck you," he purred, "while I make good use of this."

As he spoke, he stroked Anthony's shaft. His mortal groaned—and so did Thor.

"Sounds good to me, Reindeer of My Heart."

"Whatever you want, brother."

They didn't leave the bed for a long time.


	9. Epilogue: Avengers. Age of Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I finished this :) It's weeks overdue, but it's finally done. Thank you to everyone who read, commented and kudos-ed regardless.

The Hydra base was well guarded. Tony huffed in irritation as he shot another repulsor blast at one of the goons.

"We're going to be late," he mumbled. "I just know we're going to be late."

"Loki will be angry with us," Thor bemoaned. Through the communicator, Tony could hear him take out his frustration on something that made a nice and satisfying explosion.

Clint laughed. "You guys are so whipped."

"You're just jealous, Birdbrain. But I don't blame you. I'd be jealous too if one of you had two gods with the biggest cocks—"

"Language, Tony," Steve interrupted primly.

Tony snickered. "Did you just say language?" Sometimes, Steve really was adorable. Not quite as adorable as Loki, but that would have been quite an achievement indeed.

"Tony..."

"In truth, Anthony is not wrong," Thor offered. "Both my brother and I—"

"We've got two Enhanced incoming," Natasha reported before Thor could get into the details of their sex life. "Be careful."

"Got it." Tony stopped kidding around, since the sooner they got the mission wrapped up, the faster they could get home, to Loki. "How's Hulk?"

"Smashing." Natasha sounded almost... fond. "I'm keeping an eye on him."

"Okay, I'm going in. Let's hope that stupid spear is here so we can get this shitty mission over with."

Naturally, the goons still tried to stop Tony. They didn't learn, apparently. Tony handled them pretty quickly—although he did try to reason with them, for about a second.

Finally, when the coast was clear, he zeroed in on the area where the suit detected some abnormal readings. He had to get out of the armor for maneuverability, but he had JARVIS keep an eye out for extra goons.

With an expert eye, Tony scanned the walls. "Please be a secret door, please be a secret door." He caught sight of a niche and pressed it. The wall parted. "Yay!"

The scepter was, predictably, inside. Tony had the strongest urge to go Tony Smash on it, since he knew what it had done to Loki, how it had manipulated his lover to do the Other's bidding.

He didn't, though. They'd already established that they would be taking the damn thing to Asgard—and good riddance, too.

As he picked up the spear, a gust of something cold swept up behind him. It was familiar and comforting—and it really shouldn't have present anywhere near here.

Tony turned and gaped at the sight of Loki standing in the doorway. Loki shot him an unimpressed look. "Anthony. How many times did I tell you to watch your back?"

Somehow, despite his swollen belly, Loki managed to look just as fierce and imposing as always. Cancel that—even fiercer than ever before. The Loki who had thrown Tony out the window had nothing on pregnant Loki.

Still, Tony's self-preservation instincts were far less strong than his protectiveness toward his lover and his child. "What are you doing here, Reindeer? You're supposed to be at home where it's safe."

"I had a feeling you might need me," Loki replied. "I was right."

He pointed with his spear—the one Tony had made him—at a fallen form Tony hadn't noticed until then. It was a woman, unconscious, but still breathing.

"She was attempting to cast a spell on you as I arrived." Loki's eyes glowed with anger. "I don't take kindly to such actions."

Oh, so that was what Loki had meant when he'd chastised Tony for not watching his own back. Tony might have been startled at the fact that he'd apparently had some sort of witch in the room with him and he hadn't been in the least bit aware, but that was of secondary importance right now. All he could focus on was the fact that he wasn't the only one who was protective. It kind of made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"Aw, Lo, I knew you cared."

Loki snorted. "Just grab the scepter and let's get out of here. The woman will not wake. The Captain can handle her."

For all his words, they didn't immediately leave the site of the battle. Instead, Loki teleported to the forest outside, where Clint was fighting some guy who was moving faster than the eye could see.

Loki froze the ground, and as it turned out, even speedsters could slip on the ice. Tony almost winced at the impact the Enhanced made with a tree. Almost, but not quite.

Clint snickered at the sight. "Didn't see that coming, did ya, asshole?"

He nodded in thanks at Loki, and not for the first time, Tony experienced a tremendous amount of relief that Clint had grown to accept Loki's presence in their lives. After learning Loki had been mind-controlled too, both he and Natasha had changed their minds pretty quickly. As it turned out, Clint remembered some things from his stint as a minion of evil that hadn't made sense at the time, so he believed Loki before Natasha did.

It also helped that, apparently, Fury had lied through his teeth and Coulson wasn't actually dead. Neither was Fury, for that matter, but that wasn't exactly surprising. Coulson had been a bit of a low blow, though, so these days, Clint and Natasha seemed angry at Fury and Coulson for hiding the truth from them.

Secretly, Tony thought that the way Loki had chosen to let out that little tidbit had quite possibly been one of the sexiest things Loki had ever done. He also thought that the person who was most excited about the baby—other than he, Loki, Thor and JARVIS—was Natasha.

Yes, the Avengers had turned into one big happy family. It was so sweet that Tony had stocked up on tooth paste just to make sure his child didn't get cavities.

For all that they were domestic in times of peace, however, the Avengers still kicked Hydra ass, so in no time at all, the mission was completed. After the two Enhanced and their boss—some guy named Strucker—were immobilized, Tony and Loki met up with the others at the Quinjet. Thor immediately made a beeline for Loki. "Brother, are you well? You shouldn't strain yourself in your condition."

"I know, Thor," Loki drawled, "but I did need some exercise. Besides, at the rate you were going, you'd have been late for dinner."

"Sorry," Steve said sheepishly. "We met more resistance than expected."

Loki waved Steve's apology off. "It is not your fault, Captain."

Natasha brought Bruce in and Bruce blinked in surprise when he saw Loki. "Hey, Loki. Everything okay with the baby?"

Loki smiled softly. Despite the pregnancy, he wasn't in the least bit nervous around Bruce, and that had helped Bruce deal with a lot of his hang ups over the Hulk. "Everything is fine, Doctor Banner. Go rest. You look like you need it."

"Okay. See you at the Tower."

Now leaning against Natasha, Bruce stumbled into the Quinjet. He mumbled something about curry under his breath and conked out.

"Well, then, if everything is in order here, Anthony, Thor and I will be going," Loki said. "JARVIS will keep us posted if further assistance is needed."

"Sure, Loki," Steve offered. "Go on ahead. It should be fine. We can handle it from here."

"Actually, brother, I wish to go to Asgard first," Thor piped up. "I don't want that thing anywhere near you and our babe."

Tony shoved the scepter at Thor. "Good call, Big Thunder. Take it, take it. Lo and I will be waiting for dinner."

"Do hurry up, Thor," Loki purred. "You don't want us to get started without you."

Thor's nostrils flared and he nodded jerkily. He knew, like Tony did, that Loki was not referring to their dinner reservations. Since getting pregnant, Loki was even more insatiable than ever in bed. Thor had secretly confessed to Tony that his mother had been completely right about Tony being needed, if only because he would have never been able to keep up otherwise.

Tony empathized. Even with his recently increased stamina, he was no match for baby-mama Loki.

As Thor summoned the Bifrost, Loki teleported himself and Tony out of the forest and back to the Tower. He draped himself over the couch, looking for all the world like a Victorian maiden with the vapors—not that Tony would ever say that. He valued his life, thank you very much.

Tony had JARVIS help him out of the armor and then joined Loki on the couch. They had a little time to rest—their reservations weren't until later. And as much as Tony would have liked to change and have a shower, Loki was more important. "You okay, Reindeer?"

Loki sighed. "I'm just tired, and I have barely even been out of bed. My back aches, my feet ache. This is horrid."

Tony took his cue and pulled Loki's feet into his lap. He started to massage gently. "You need Thor to get Eir again?"

Loki shook his head. "It's not that. There's nothing wrong. The babe is fine. It's just... Truly, Anthony, how do women do this on a regular basis? It is exhausting."

"I know, Lo. Well... I don't know, _know,_ but I can tell." Tony continued working on Loki's tense feet and ankles, and was rewarded when Loki didn't even glare at him for his gaffe.

Slowly, Loki began to relax. When he spoke again, he seemed less liable to blow up in frustration. "You know what the weirdest thing is?" He actually shot Tony a smile—the private one only he and Thor, and sometimes Frigga, ever got to see. "I wouldn't trade it for the world. As tiresome as it is, it's worth it."

And it was. Tony was in a constant state of panic over his impending parenthood. The three of them didn't have the best history when it came to families, but Thor and Loki at least had Frigga. Tony had grown up with a cold father and a neglectful mother. Nothing like what he wanted for his own child.

But between three parents, three doting uncles and two excited aunts—plus the grandparents, who were a whole different level of madness—Tony figured they'd have it covered somehow. And whenever he started to hyperventilate over it, he told himself the same thing—that it was worth it.

He pressed a kiss to Loki's belly. "Thank you for this. For everything."

Loki smiled once again. He had rules about when and how it was okay to touch his belly, but Thor and Tony were usually exempt—except for when they did something to piss him off.

"And thank you, Anthony," he replied. His expression sobered. "Just promise me you'll be more careful in the future. That witch came far too close to harming you. I will pay her a visit later on, I think, once she awakens from the spell."

Something in Loki's tone alerted Tony to the fact that Loki might have been up to his usual mischief. "Loki? What did you do?" Come to think of it, it was a little weird that he'd just left her, given that she had attacked Tony.

"The spell she was casting was meant to trap you in a nightmare. I twisted it and made it backlash against her. Now, she is the one who is trapped—until she understands why it is unwise to play with other people's minds."

Tony couldn't help a shiver. Mind control was a sore topic for all of them. "I'll get your mum to continue teaching me those mental ward tricks. Who knows? They might be necessary in the future."

"That is a good idea. My magic can only protect you up to a point."

Before Loki could say anything more, a light flashed outside, announcing the arrival of the Bifrost. The doors to the Iron Man platform slid open and Thor stepped into the penthouse.

"Brother, Anthony. I have returned."

"That was fast, Point Break." Tony grinned. "Welcome back."

"Did you secure the Mind Gem in the Vault?" Loki asked.

Thor took a few moments to greet Loki and Tony properly—with a kiss, of course—and then, he replied, "I did, indeed. Father has not said what he plans on doing with it, but quite frankly, I care not, as long as he keeps it away from you."

"And the Titan," Loki drawled.

Tony and Thor both nodded. "And the Titan." Although it was still mostly Loki that Tony worried about when it came to the scepter, which should have made him question his priorities, but really didn't.

Thor retrieved a satchel from under his cloak. "In any case, I bring gifts. Eir has made you some new elixirs. And Idunn has just baked a pie."

The satchel was tiny, but it was apparently magical, because, indeed, Thor retrieved a lot of stuff out of it—including the small bottles of Asgardian medicine the head Aesir healer provided Loki with, and a massive apple pie that was somehow still steaming.

"Oh, that looks delicious." Tony grabbed a piece of crust and nibbled, moaning at the taste. "Seriously, Thor, tell me the truth. Your people are planning to fatten me up, aren't they?"

Loki snorted. "You could eat a hundred of these pies per day, and you would not get fat. In truth... I do not know what effect that would have." He sounded thoughtful, like he was considering making the experiment, and Tony loved him for it.

Thor stepped in before Loki could come up with any crazy idea. "Besides, Anthony, they are not planning to fatten you up. They are attempting to lure Loki back to Asgard."

Right. Now that Loki was carrying the future heir to the throne, they apparently liked him. Or at least wanted him there. Since it had turned out that the baby somehow carried the DNA of all three of them, the Aesir seemed to have decided that was a huge deal and they kept trying to convince Loki to return.

Whatever. Loki had already decided that Earth would remain his permanent residence for now. Things might change once Odin stepped down from the throne, but for the moment, it wasn't an issue.

"I'm quite happy here, thank you very much," Loki said, pouting slightly. "I'm not going back."

"I know." Thor grinned. "But Idunn doesn't, and her pies are quite good. Refreshing also, after a battle."

Tony agreed. Already, after only a few bites, he was completely reenergized. He was pretty used to the sensation by now. When he'd first eaten the Apple, he'd kind of felt like he was on three different kind of drugs, but now, his body had adjusted to its new immortal state. Since then, Idunn kept sending her magical pies, and Tony had gotten used to them, and the quite frankly awesome boost they provided.

Tony swallowed his mouthful of Golden Apple pie and grinned. "So... I have an idea. What say we finish this pie, cancel the reservations and spend the rest of the day in bed? I feel like celebrating."

"That sounds perfect, Anthony," Thor offered.

He picked Loki up in his arms, obviously intending to head toward the bedroom they shared. Loki rolled his eyes. He reached for Tony, and Tony obediently gave Loki his hand.

Seconds later, Loki teleported them to the bedroom. They were naked already, and the pie was on the nightstand, together with some whipped cream. Naturally, Tony and Thor were still kind of sweaty from the battle, but Loki didn't seem to mind. He just gestured for them to approach.

Tony's mouth went dry at the sight of all the naked skin of his disposal. "I think the pie can wait."

Loki didn't reply. Neither did Thor. At this point, no words were needed. They already knew what would come next, what they all wanted.

To think it had all come from a mischievous prank for Christmas. Tony had no idea what would have happened if not for the shape-shifting curse, but he suspected neither he, nor his lovers would have ever been brave enough to tell the truth.

It was a sobering thought, and it made Tony even hungrier for the kisses and the touches and the feel and scent of his lovers. And when they came together, it was with the knowledge that this was right, and perfect, and their future. The "what if"s didn't matter—only Tony, Thor and Loki did. The rest, they would handle in time.

  



End file.
